Have Your Way, My King

The song "Help me Find it" (Sidewalk Prophets) has been a theme of mine this year. The line that always gets to me is in the bridge: "Have your way, my King." That's the openness of heart and life I'm trying to have. "Have your way Jesus, You are my King, and this is all for You." It is incredible what a difference it makes. I just take that line to prayer constantly... and try to make it more and more sincere every time I say it. I want to just let my life be completely abandoned to whatever Jesus wants for me. Whatever He wants to do through me and my time as a missionary.

Last week, I got to attend the regional Team Director Summit in Chicago. It was a huge blessing to spend time with other leaders within FOCUS and share our successes and struggles on campus this fall. One TD shared how she and her team spend a few moments giving each day to God, praying through their schedule for that day together. Since returning to Duluth, I've been trying to do that. Each morning, before I even leave my apartment, I just go through my schedule, praying about each appointment, task, etc. And it has completely changed my life.

My conversations have been completely transformed. Bible study and discipleship, as well as conversations with teammates and students.... they are all bearing more fruit. And not because of anything I'm doing, but because I'm finally willing to step aside and let Jesus be in control. Sure, there are still some times I am a bit nervous about truly challenging someone and miss the opportunity, but when I let Him do all the work, wow.

For example, some of the women I meet with for discipleship are just amazing me. Their vulnerability and openness to be challenged to share their faith is truly remarkable. And I'm able to see that when Jesus is steering the conversation. I also find myself being more productive, getting things accomplished in record time... hence the time to write this post.

I'm not perfect at this whole abandonment thing just yet, but the more I let myself belong to my King, the more I realize just how much God loves me and wants me to be happy. I don't have to feel overwhelmed by the many responsibilities, relationships, and roles in my life.... I can embrace them as the specific mission He has chosen for me. All in the bigger mission of His... the salvation of the entire world. And as one of our regional leaders, Dan, said last week: It is a privilege, not a burden, to be part of this greatest mission.

I hope each one of my blog readers can take that line of "have your way my King" to prayer and just see what happens.... to truly let go of our control over our lives, schedule, future.... and sincerely seek God's will alone, the role in His mission He wants us each to have.

My (Hopeful) Future Feast Day

Today's Caribou Coffee trivia question was awesome. Especially for all us Catholics. The question: What is the day after Halloween called? The answer: All Saints Day. Just another reminder of the amazing solemnity we celebrate today. And I was blessed to go to Mass twice to celebrate!

I've thought a lot about becoming a saint throughout the past few years. Ever since my relationship with Jesus really took off my junior year at NDSU, sainthood has been my goal. And I've always loved the way Fr. Mike (our UMD chaplain) blesses those who cannot receive Communion: "May God bless you and make you a saint". But last night, those words took on a whole new meaning. I attended Mass with some girls from my bible study and as Fr. Mike blessed the one in front of me in the Communion line, I got chills. As I stepped up and said "Amen" to receive Jesus, something in me changed. I realized in a profound way that I receive Jesus in the Eucharist because.... I want to be a saint. I want to be like Him. 

A real simple definition of sainthood might be helpful. Today, Fr. Mike explained it as "saying yes to God in each moment". I like that, it makes my goal of sainthood pretty simple. Just say yes to God - including when He invites me to write a blog post!

There are a couple big ways that I have noticed God is making me a saint. And honestly, I don't remember if I have blogged about them before, so my apologies if this is repeated. But perspective can always change... so here we go. 

The first way God is currently forming me into a saint is through my call to be a FOCUS missionary and, this year, team director. I truly get to build virtue everyday. Growing in my courage to share the Gospel, talking daily about my relationship with Jesus and how I live it in His Church, and being surrounded by others who encourage me in living a moral life... what an amazing job. It is definitely a gift. My Dove chocolate wrapper tonight read "love what you do" and I definitely do. My job is incredible, beautifully challenging, and uniquely rewarding. Regardless of how long I stay on staff, my time with FOCUS will forever have had an impact on the saint I'm striving to become. 

Catie - a student from last year, now a FOCUS mish!

The second way God is increasing my ability to be a saint is through my relationship with Devin. I never thought I would meet such an amazing, virtuous man. Devin treats me with so much respect and love, and truly puts my relationship with Jesus first. I love that our weekend visits include shared prayer time and that most of our conversations via Skype or FaceTime end with a prayer. Being in a relationship with such an awesome guy definitely reveals God's love for me even more. Devin loves me like Jesus does. He truly is helping me learn how to receive love and embrace being a beloved daughter of God. Long distance relationships are tough, but I'm realizing how to love... not just when it feels good, but even when it is tough. I'm also learning what a beautiful thing it is to discern marriage through dating... and let all that I have read about Theology of the Body and Love and Responsibility be a lived reality. Devin and I want eachother to be saints, and I'm so thankful to have such a great man to walk this path of sainthood with. 

Devin and I at Halloween party last weekend

At the All Saints Day mass I attended today, Fr. Mike really put today's feast in perspective. The title of this post is "My (Hopeful) Future Feast Day" because of that perspective. Today is the day that the Catholic Church celebrates all those who have lived lives worthy of eternal happiness in Heaven. Since that is what I hope to attain, then really I'm trying to live a life that someday leads me to have this as my feast day. The day when the whole Church will celebrate the way God's grace saved me from sin and death, and gave me this beautiful life of love. What a beautiful perspective to end the week! 

Being Intentional

I like to set goals. I love having a to-do list to check off. I like having a schedule and doing my best to stick to it. But this year there has been just so much that sometimes I feel like I'm all over the place without going anywhere. Not for long though... I'm getting intentional. 

A few different events have sparked this awareness of my need to be more intentional. First, I renewed my Consecration to Mary last weekend (little did I know that Pope Francis consecrated the whole world to Mary's Immaculate Heart on the same day I re-committed myself to her guidance). After once again entrusting my life into Mary's hands on October 13, something changed. I've done the consecration before... but never been so committed and intentional about it. This time was different, and I noticed! My rosary the next week was amazing... I truly felt like I was walking with Mary during the different moments of Jesus' life (which was helped by the fact that I went for a run as I prayed, so I was literally moving). The difference was that I was intentional and I wanted to be changed. 

Next, this past weekend. I helped interview potential missionaries for FOCUS. It was a great opportunity to be reminded of my own discernment of FOCUS and hearing God's call. Yesterday, Paul (one of our regional leaders) shared how evangelization is a command..... how intentional have I been in sharing? We profess at Mass that God saves... am I intentional in my conversations and time on-campus and off about trying to share God's love with others?

As my teammate Joe and I brought the gifts up at Mass last night, we had contact cards for students at mass who were interested in bible study in the collection basket. As Joe handed it to Fr. Mike, I felt a rush of grace. We were truly giving the students to God at His altar. Wow. As we sang the song "mighty to save" I realized... I have given my life for what I believe... Jesus and His Church. 

Fr. Mike mentioned in his homily that we should come to Mass and prayer with a desire to leave changed for the better by God. This is going to be my new mentality. So this morning, I woke up. I reviewed my goals and campus plan. I asked Mary to help me. And I set more serious goals for the week than I have yet this year. 

It's time to be a little more intentional. To wake up each morning and intentionally live my life for Christ and the mission He has invited me to. I love talking about Jesus, but I want to intentionally invite others to love Him more. To be bold in my invitation and to pour out my life for the souls on this campus and in my life. And week 8 seems like a great time to start doing this. 

Sorry for the short post... but mass starts in 15 minutes and I have to pack up and leave my cozy spot at Caribou. I hope to share more later this week! 

God is Big

God is doing big things. Well, He always is.... but now that we are a little ways into the school year, it's crystal clear to me. God is doing big things, on-campus and also in my heart. Some days, I get really caught up in the tasks, meetings, and responsibilities of my day. And then I sit back, and I look at my life, my mission, and I just am in awe.

What big things is God doing you might ask. Well, let's start with campus. Here at UMD, we have 35 bible studies on-campus. 35 Catholic bible studies. And they aren't just led by myself and my teammates, 26 of them are led by students, amazing student missionaries who have such a heart for Jesus and His Church that they're willing to invest some of their precious time and energy into spreading His love to their peers. And these aren't just small groups either. My own bible studies have grown so much: my athlete's study doubling in size to 8 and my other group growing to a dozen. As I sat down with each of the student missionaries in my discipleship chain at the start of the semester, they so impressed me. 10 women. That's the common goal for pretty much each of these 5 leaders. That would by 70 women in bible study just in my "chain of command" alone. God is doing big things. He's taking this campus over by planting a desire to encounter Him and share Him in many students' hearts.

my bible study last Thursday

As if blessing my mission at UMD wasn't enough, God is doing big things in my life. Each day, He asks me to let Him love me in new and incredible ways, through my team, family, friends, and boyfriend. He calls me to love others for Him, to just pour myself out in ways I never thought possible. Sometimes it feels like so much, but then He blesses me with a great conversation, a needed cup of coffee, a gorgeous fall day, whatever. He always knows just what I need and can time it so perfectly that I can keep letting His light shine through me. I am learning that the more I let God love me and fill me, the larger my capacity for loving Him and others becomes. My heart literally expands. 

I have wanted to be a saint all my life, wanting to get to Heaven. I always kind of thought I knew what that might look like. What I never thought about until now was how big God's plan for my holiness really is. For example, He doesn't just want me to be a saint. He really desires for me to be a saint. So every time I start to get even the slightest bit content with where my life and virtue is at, He instantly shakes me out of it and begins to give me new opportunities to grow. Not because He doesn't want me to be happy, but because He desperately wants me to experience the deep joy that comes from pursuing the path of holiness He has laid out uniquely for me!

Back when I was a student missionary, one of our missionaries at NDSU used to ask us: "How big is your God?" What Amanda meant was, when you pray, do you pray with confidence in an all-powerful God, or do you shrink your request because you don't actually expect much in answer to your prayer? Well, I'm seeing this year that I need to start praying even bigger. Because God is big... bigger and more powerful than I ever really grasped (and probably still don't). So as we continue reaching out, building up bible studies, investing in students, planning for our first ever bulldogCatholic week, preparing for retreats and conferences, I'm going to start encouraging my team and student missionaries to really pray big. And not just for these different aspects of our mission on-campus, but in our personal paths of holiness too. To pray that God would make us bigger saints than we might even dare to dream of being.

Happy feast of St. Therese of Liseux, patroness of missionaries!

Becoming a Diamond

One thing I really love is when books I'm reading just hit on exactly what I need to hear at that moment. I love that God controls what I read and when I read it so that He can speak to my heart in the way that I need. I recently was reading "The Furrow" by St. Josemaria Escriva, and he has this beautiful paragraph about suffering. He explains that when we are given challenges or suffering it is because God desires to form us into something beautiful. He wouldn't put all that effort into an ordinary pebble, it's the diamond that has time and effort invested in to make it truly beautiful. Pressure is placed on the diamond so that it might become the precious gem it is meant to be.

Well, I am convinced that over the past month God has been more actively forming me into a diamond, into the precious daughter He made me to be. And what's amazing is that as He strengthens and forms me, He is taking care of all those other areas of my life that I don't have the energy to take care of. Let me explain with a few examples...

On August 19, I moved back to Duluth, excited to begin a year with my wonderful team and students. Yet, there also was a looming stress on my heart.... my Grandpa Ben was nearing the end of his life here on earth. It was hard to be leaving home at a time when I knew my family needed me, and I needed them. As I packed for our camping trip with our student missionaries on Friday the 23rd, the news came... Grandpa entered Heaven that afternoon. I attended the first 24 hours of the camping trip, and then got in my car once again, heading west to be home.

me, Grandpa, and Emily in 1991

As hard as it was to say goodbye and to see my mom, grandma, and family mourn, the funeral was so grace-filled. My grandparents are saints. Grandma has spent the past five years lovingly by Grandpa's side as he slowly grew more detached from this world through the onset of Alzheimer's. I cannot tell you how many hours she spent praying for him, and the rest of their family. The faithful example of marriage they have shown is incredible, one I know has helped shape my parents' own marriage to be something I strive to imitate one day. As I drove back to Duluth after the funeral, I was determined. I will be a Saint; I will work my hardest to be a saint like them.

As I transitioned into our initial outreach and as the freshmen moved onto campus, I began to realize what a responsibility it is to be a team director. I am honored to serve my team, but wow does it require a lot of extra work. My to do list seemed to be constantly increasing rather than decreasing for the first two weeks of classes, despite long days of trying to get much of it accomplished. There were moments I wanted to just throw my hands up and walk away, convinced I had no clue what I was doing, that I couldn't do it, and that it just took much. And even though I have an incredible boyfriend, the reality of how hard the distance is hit me even more when I was stressed out and Devin was over 4 hours away. I remember a few times even going to prayer and repeating Mother Teresa's words at the end of her life, "Jesus, this is too much."

However, Jesus knew it wasn't too much. When I had no clue what I was doing, He did. He knew exactly what He was about. And despite the hours He asked me to spend ordering bible studies, preparing team meetings, chalking and knocking, helping student missionaries, and preparing for our missions promotion, He blessed my first two weeks on-campus more than I ever could imagine. Some of those blessings include:
-seeing 2 girls I met last year at the Activities Fair and being able to invite them to my bible study
-meeting more girls on the volleyball and basketball teams, who are coming to bible study!
-being welcomed into the lives of some ladies on the track team, who might start coming to my athletes' study
-watching the women I have in my discipleship chain reach out lovingly to many new students and set goals to have 10 girls in each of their bible studies before Christmas.
-having our events attended by many new students, who desire to make Newman a part of their time at UMD
-having my team support me and having some great team meetings, really striving to change campus for the better this year
-having Devin come visit for a weekend and spend time enjoying Duluth's natural beauty a bit.

I'm sure there are many other blessings, some I'm forgetting and some I can't see right now. But, back to the point of this post, God is asking much of me, because He wants me to be a saint. Being a saint, being a soldier for Him, doesn't just happen. It takes struggle, and saying "yes" to His will even when it seems too big or too hard. It means getting out of bed even when I'm tired, packing my schedule full from 8am-8pm for days on end to spend time with students and getting work done, and it means looking outside of myself to care for my team and disciples as best I can, trusting God to love them through me. Because at the end of the day, the only way I shine as a diamond is if it is Jesus shining through me.

with some ladies in my discipleship chain at the
Activities Fair last week

with students and teammates playing paintbal

out on the Park Point beach with Devin

Prayer and God's Perfect Timing

I've been meaning to write about fall outreach for almost a week now, and I probably will spend some of my time this weekend doing that. But I just couldn't pass up the beautiful opportunity to share how God has answered prayers. First, the back story.

Last spring, we made an effort to be more intentional about sitting with new people at Sunday Mass on-campus. So, one day, probably in mid-April, I sat by a student I had never met. We chatted a little before Mass, but I didn't have a chance to get her number to follow up. Nevertheless, I put her name on a list of students I had met to continue to pray for her. I saw her another time at the coffee shop on campus last spring, but again didn't get any contact information.

Well, throughout the summer, this girl's name was on my list of students to pray for and so I did. I never was super intentional about it, just occasionally asking that God would place her in my path this year if it should be His will. Little did I know how perfectly He can time things.

Last night, I planned to play some ultimate frisbee after Mass as a way to spend time with two girls I met last week. However, they texted me last minute saying that they wouldn't be coming. So, I decided to walk back to the Newman house and go home to prepare for tonight's first athletes' study. As I approached the house, there was this girl from Mass the previous semester! She was standing in the road looking lost. I said hi and was happy to see that she recognized me. It turns out she had been looking for the local temple to go to a speaker, but couldn't find it.

I invited her to tomorrow's Mass and Meal at Newman and she was shocked when I asked for her number. "I never get invited to things" she replied, while also eagerly entering my number into her phone. My heart instantly was moved for this daughter of God. I showed her around our small Newman house, including inviting her to stop by anytime to hang out or spend time praying in the Chapel. I'm hoping and praying that she is able to come tomorrow so that I can introduce her to some more Newman ladies and help her find a community of Catholics to support her in her faith.

As I drove home last night, I just was in awe of how God answered my summer prayers for this young lady. He had to time her search of that event just right with my leaving the field. He had to prevent those other girls from coming so that I would decide not to play. Had He not, I wouldn't have had a way to invite her into the Newman community.

Lesson? Never doubt God's desire to answer our prayers and His power over our timing of encounters with others. His plan is very well thought out.

Guyana Highlights

Post #2 about Guyana.... and only about a week after the first! I wanted to share some specific memories from the trip and highlights.

First, a brief explanation of what we did. Our main goal was to assist with the parish mission of St. Francis Xavier R.C. (Roman Catholic) Church in Charity Guyana. The theme of the mission was "Save your Soul" which I thought was refreshingly bold, because that's actually what we want people to do, but so often we sugarcoat how we say it. Our daily schedule looked a little something like this:
6:30am - Holy Hour
7:30am - Mass
8:30am - Breakfast
9:30am - head out for house visits (go door to door inviting people to the mission)
12pm - Lunch
1pm - Siesta!
2pm - Kids' Activities, Youth Activities, Catechesis, Home Visits
4:30pm - Rosary Walk through the streets
5pm - Main Talk and Kids' Activities
6pm - Fun Event (campfire, pinata, skit, movie)
8pm - Evening Prayer
8:30pm - Supper
9pm - Testimonies, Daily Recap
10:30pm - head to bed

So, now that you have a little of our structure, here are some of my highlights from my time in Guyana:

Turning 24. On our 3rd full day in Charity, I celebrated my 24th birthday! The rest of our group, including some joyful Servidoras and IVE's, sang to me twice, breakfast and supper, and even made me a delicious birthday cake (see picture). While it was a little tough to celebrate this day away from my family, my 24th will be a birthday I will always remember. Word spread because I received more birthday hugs that day than I can remember and even some thoughtful gifts. Perhaps the best was that Fr. Brian offered Mass for me that morning and God gave me the amazing grace of understanding what a gift my life is!

Guyanese tradition of sharing my cake!

House Visits with Rachael. Rachael is a 8-year-old we met at the parish. Her mom helped with cooking and laundry, so Rachael and her 3 siblings spent time with all the missionaries. One day, Rachael came with my group to do house visits. Our first stop was at an elderly man's home. He needed Anointing of the Sick, so we prayed with him and Fr. Brian gave him the sacrament. His 3-year-old granddaughter (Ann Marie) was there and Rachael and I spent some time talking with her. Rachael shared some sweeties (candy) and a Divine Mercy card with a picture of Jesus on it. Later that night, Rachael approached me at the campfire and asked about the little girl we had met! It was so great that she was thinking about her still and I told her to pray for her. Rachael and some of the other kids and youth who came with us on house visits were amazing and it was incredible to begin equipping them at such a young age to share their faith!

Rachael and I on our house visit day

Pinata Nights. We had 2 pinatas while we were there and the 2nd was definitely memorable. All the kids were so excited to fill up on the sweeties. Earlier in the day, Steve and Jeff (2 fellow FOCUS missionaries) had made the pinata and filled it with 7 pounds of candy. While the pinata was being hit, they each brought another bag of candy... to toss out as the kids scrambled for falling sweeties. In fact, as the pinata broke, Fr. Hugo (the priest in Charity) was knocked to the ground by all the kids! That night we distributed 21 pounds of candy.... I hope the parents didn't mind the overly-sugared kids who came home that night. 

Jeff and Steve with their pinata

Fr. Hugo on the ground

Praying in Homes. On several of the house visits, we asked to pray with people. Several times we prayed a decade of the rosary with people who weren't even Catholic! On another day, I was the leader of my group. I tried on every visit to ask if we could pray with them and everyone I asked said yes! It was a simple prayer, but twice the people we visited were praying aloud with me. Some were even Hindu or non-Catholic. I realized that this may have been one of the few or only times when Jesus' name was said in their homes. What a beautiful opportunity to bring His presence right to where the people live! 

our FOCUS Missionary Team

There were many other great experiences throughout our mission trip, and maybe at a later date I'll share some of those. But for now, this about wraps up my Guyana blogging. We just started fall outreach today with the freshmen moving in, so I can't wait to share some graces and stories from fall outreach soon! Thanks for taking the time to read and have a blessed end to the month of August. 

the ladies of our group

Learning the Reality of God's Love... in a Beautiful, Challenging Way

Well, it's been a whole summer and I haven't blogged once. So much has been happening, it is hard to believe I haven't taken the time to sit back and just reflect on what has been one of the craziest, most grace-filled summers of my life. After a couple weeks at home following Team Director training in May, I flew off to FOCUS New Staff Training for 5 weeks in Florida. After returning home in early July, I spent 4 weeks soaking in time with family, catching up with friends and supporters, and spending some wonderful weekends at the lake and weddings with Devin. When August began, so did the next chapter of my summer. On the 2nd, it was off to NYC, to meet up with the rest of the Guyana mission trip crew. After returning to the States on the 14th, I had just 5 short days to catch up with loved ones, pack up, and get back to Duluth. Now, I'm almost a week in to my first on-campus semester as a team director.

As I mentioned, it has been a summer with many graces, and I could probably blog about any one of those "chapters" listed above for several pages. But, I want to share probably the experience that was the most unique and life-changing: mission trip in Guyana.

They say when you go on mission, to be ready for surprises. While I was certainly ready for some surprises (new foods, crazy God-filled moments, etc), I didn't expect the biggest surprise of them all: how tough it was to be on mission. I have wanted to go on a mission trip for several years now, and figured my time with FOCUS was a great time to do a trip. I was a little nervous about going to a foreign country and being outside my comfort zone, but never really gave much thought to how much room it would give me to experience God's love.

Outside my comfort zone. That describes the difficulty of the trip pretty well. Not only was I somewhere new, but everything was so different. Hot, humid days with no break from the heat because there's no air conditioning. Constantly being sticky due to sunscreen and bug spray, sleeping with a mosquito net, showering with rain water, and having to be cautious about drinking water sources. Not to mention super early mornings and late nights (even though the sun set at 6:30pm) and a totally different environment. Perhaps the icing on this whole scenerio was no cell phone, no way to connect with those I love most and share my experience with them day by day.

While I was in Guyana, these discomforts took over and were huge distractions. I struggled with being homesick, yet at the same time longing deep in my heart to share God's love with the people of Charity, the town we were in. So, I showed up each morning at holy hour and went to bed each night surrendering everything to Jesus as best I could.

As we flew home, I felt like I hadn't made the impact I could have or pushed myself enough. As I got back in touch with friends and family, everyone asked "How was Guyana?" I didn't know how to answer.... did I tell them the truth of how much I longed to be home, how hard it was? Or should I put on a brave face and pretend like it was amazing every second? Well, as I'm sharing the difficulties online, you probably realize I'm ok now with sharing that it was hard. However, in this first full week home, I've realized something. Guyana was amazing. My life was changed. And through my presence, others' lives were changed too.

I'll write another post soon (yes I promise) with lives I think I helped change. Before this post gets incredibly long, I just want to share the biggest impact the trip had on me: a better understanding of what it means to truly trust God's love for me. When I needed some sleep, He provided a siesta. When I was exhausted, He provided ways to serve that didn't involve running around with 50 4-11 year olds. When I turned 24 away from home, He gave me an incredible understanding of the best gift ever: the gift of life. And at the end of it all, He brought me home. Home to a family I love and appreciate so much more, a boyfriend who supports every step of my walk of faith, and a job that I truly love. Yes, being on mission in Guyana was great and there is truly a need for missionaries there. But, that missionary isn't me outside of those 2 weeks. My mission field right now is right here, on the campus of UMD, as team director of a truly wonderful team. And that grace of seeing how I really do desire every role God has invited me to right now is truly an incredible gift as I begin my second year on campus.

So, essentially I learned that when God says He will take care of me, He really means it. When He says He loves me, that's a very deep truth. And it's true all the time, when I'm at my best or worst. His love is real.

Until my stories.... here are some pictures!

playing Duck, Duck, Goose

Arts and Crafts

drinking the water from a coconut

our walk one day for house visits

kids' camp at the primary school

speedboat back to Georgetown

Year One, Done!

Wow, again it has been over a month since I last blogged! The end of the school year was filled with many wonderful graces. In particular, I realized how much I have grown personally through this year. I can't imagine anything else I could have done to help me become more of a saint than FOCUS has. Clearly, this is what God had in mind for me and desired for me.... It brings such peace to know I am doing His Will for my life.

I found out that I will be back in Duluth for my second year with FOCUS! I'm so excited to continue the friendships, bible studies, and discipleships that began this past year. I love the women at Duluth so much, and it was easier to say goodbye for the summer knowing that I get another year with most of them next year (some will be transferring or graduating). The last week of classes was a great time to just be with these ladies and enjoy the friendships we have started this year, especially within bible study.

with my athletes bible study

In addition to being a missionary in Duluth, I'll also be the team director there next year! I'd be kidding you, and me, if I said that accepting this responsibility wasn't scary. However, in the last couple weeks of the semester, I realized more than anything the heart that God has given me for the campus of UMD. We saw His grace work in amazing ways this year, and I know that He would not have asked me to step up in this way unless He knew that I would allow Him to help. Plus, FOCUS does an awesome job of preparing new team directors for our leadership roles. While all of my wonderful students were fighting finals, I got to spend a week in the Rockies, learning how to be a servant leader and successfully guide my team this next year. I am now beyond excited to serve UMD as team director next year and can't wait to see what God has planned. Our students definitely have a desire to win their campus for Christ, as shown by their dreaming of what campus could be like. Take a look:

A common question I've been getting lately is "So what do you do all summer?" Well, since team director training ended on May 17, I've been back home in Fargo. This coming Saturday, I'll fly out again, this time for 5 weeks in Florida for our summer training. Despite the heat and large bugs that are sure to accompany us, I'm looking forward to 5 weeks with my fellow missionaries, getting re-charged for the mission, strengthening friendships, and learning more about how to be a Catholic leader. Please keep us all in your prayers!

For those of you who have been following my blog throughout the year, you may also be thinking.... hmm, there was a dating fast for the first year.... now that the year is over, is that over? The answer is yes! It is absolutely amazing to see how much I grew through giving this past year to Jesus in that way. When I said yes to FOCUS, I was unsure of how the dating fast would go. Now, I can see it for what it is: the best thing I've ever done to truly give my heart to Jesus. To learn to put Him first, to truly let Him love me and receive that love, and to do so without needing or having a boyfriend was something I really needed this past year. And now, after giving that all to God, He has given me a dating relationship that is so incredible I never would've imagined it on my own. Back in January, I shared my recognition that a great relationship was worth the wait, and I know that is the case now. Devin supports my crazy adventures with FOCUS and encourages me to put Jesus first. I can't wait to see what God has planned for us.

Well, I should wrap this up and move ahead with working on my expense report and campus plan. I'm hoping to get some of that done before training starts so I can have more time to enjoy the classes and friendships (and maybe a trip to the beach). Until next time....

Miracle of the Moment

It's crazy that I haven't written a blog post in a while. The end of the school year has just been full of many wonderful opportunities to just live life. And not spend tons of time on my computer. Which is completely fine. But, I had some time open up on this Thursday morning and decided to share some of the graces of these past weeks with you, my blog followers.

Living in the moment. Not worrying about the future. Two huge goals. Two huge graces. Jesus has just been giving me so many opportunities to rest in Him and learn to trust Him. As the school year wraps up, the future still has a few uncertainties. But I've come to realize that it is an incredibly unique opportunity for  me to really put my relationship with Jesus into practice in a profound way.

It is crazy to realize how last year at this time I was finishing student teaching, completely unsure of where FOCUS would send me, and getting ready to leave NDSU and my hometown of Fargo. God has blessed me so much through my yes to Him this year. I have learned so much from my teammates, the students here at UMD and CSS, our chaplain Fr. Mike, and the other missionaries across the country. Not to mention all that God has taught me through reading, studying Scripture, and learning to be entirely dependent on Him alone. What a great gift. I was rereading some cards I have gotten throughout the year last night and found one from Amanda, the first FOCUS missionary I met at NDSU my first year there. In it, she wrote that God cannot be outdone in His generosity and that I would benefit more from my time with FOCUS than any of the students I meet. After just one year, I know that Amanda was definitely right.

Jesus keeps finding many ways to remind me of His love. This past weekend, 4 of my sisters came to visit! It was the first time I had seen some of them since Christmas break. We had an amazing weekend shopping, touring Duluth and the Northshore, eating some good food, and just hanging out. Perhaps my favorite part of the whole weekend was when we all piled into my living room to watch a movie, eat snacks, and just laugh together. People are constantly shocked when I say that I have 8 little sisters (and no brothers), but I wouldn't trade my family for anything.

sisters and I at the canal

In addition to that big gift of a weekend with 4 of my best friends, Jesus has loved me with little things that just make my day. Here is a short list from just this week so far:

-Monday, I got a phone call from Fr. Cheney (NDSU Chaplain) who was here in Duluth! What a treat to spend time with him and grab lunch when I wasn't expecting it!

-Tuesday morning, my wonderful team director brushed all the snow off my car before I left to work out. What an awesome surprise to start the day! (We had record snowfall the night before)

-Yesterday I had great conversations with Catie, Sherry, and Teia. Plus an opportunity to share some of the beauty of Theology of the Body with my bible study!

-Today I came to Caribou to do a little work and read, and found out that they have a rewards card! I love Caribou coffee and instantly said yes. This led to a free size upgrade on my Campfire mocha, a free coffee next time I come in, and my receipt had a survey on it for a dollar off next time too! Jesus clearly knows me well!

I'm so thankful for all these little graces, and also a big one. It is hard to think of not being here in Duluth next year. But on Sunday, Jesus opened my heart to love the girls here in a new way. He gave me the ability to recognize that I might not be what's best for them and their relationship with Him next year. And if that is so, then I love them enough to let go and move.... I just want them to be His, not mine. So, either way, I'm going to enjoy these last weeks of the semester and just help them grow as much as I can, so that with or without me, Jesus is always their number one. 

disciple Teia and I at Mass n Meal last week

I'll be sure to post something when everything about next year is set and finalized. Until then, please pray for all of the students and missionaries as we finish up the year. Especially for the grace to remain centered on Christ with all of the distractions that this time of year (and some hopefully warmer weather!) can bring. 

Holy Week 2013

Happy Easter!! I have been meaning to write a post about last week for several days now... and it took until Friday for me to get the time to do so. It has been a beautifully busy week here at UMD, but I wanted to take some time and reflect on last week: Holy Week.

In the Catholic Church, the week proceeding Easter is called Holy Week. Beginning with Palm Sunday and ending with the Triduum (Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday), this week is a beautiful time to really reflect on the love God has for us, demonstrated in the Passion and Death of His Beloved Son, Jesus. This year, Holy Week landed right after UMD's spring break. It was an absolutely incredible week for many reasons.

On Monday of Holy Week, I was able to attend my first ever Chrism Mass. This is the mass where the Bishop blesses the holy oils to be used in the diocese for the year. Also, all the priests in the diocese renew their vows. It was absolutely beautiful to have this opportunity to pray with and for the priests of the Duluth diocese. I am so thankful for the vocation of the priesthood. God has blessed me with some wonderful priests to be spiritual fathers over the years, especially through my uncle Fr. Austin, the priests at my parish of Sts. Anne and Joachim, Fr. Cheney at the Newman Center at NDSU, and Fr. Mike here at UMD. It is through His priests that Jesus brings us the sacraments... the new life of Baptism, the forgiveness of Confession, the reality of the Eucharist, just to name a few.

Tuesday was our Lenten Confession service on campus. It was a great opportunity to clean up my soul before the Triduum and Easter. Wednesday was our last RCIA class before the big night on Saturday... more on that later. Holy Thursday was awesome. We celebrated the Mass of the Lord's Supper on campus, followed by the Seder meal (traditional Jewish Passover meal). I learned a lot about the Passover, which was great. We then had an hour of Adoration back at Newman to spend that hour with Jesus during His Agony. Good Friday was filled with the Good Friday liturgy, Stations of the Cross, and a viewing of the movie the Passion of the Christ.

Then came the high point of it all: Holy Saturday! If the weather in Duluth was beautiful (we topped 50 degrees!) the Easter Vigil Mass was 100x better! It's been a while since I've attended a Vigil mass, and I LOVED it.

UMD RCIA Group 2013 with Bishop Sirba and Fr. Mike

Kelly and I

While the fire, candles, music, and Scripture were all really great, my favorite part was the celebration of sacraments. We had 16 UMD students get Confirmed... half of whom were not Catholic until that night! I was honored to be Kelly's sponsor for the night and be right in front to watch as other students I have gotten to know this year were fully received into the family of the Church. Some of them have really grown closer to Jesus by their search for truth. As they each were sealed with the Holy Spirit, I seriously felt like a proud parent. Their joy just overflowed. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for each of these amazing men and women now!

Tessa and Nicole

Alyssa and Kate from my bible study

Easter Sunday was really wonderful. My friends from Fargo, Kelsey and Josie, came up for the weekend. They were here on Friday, but it wasn't really until Sunday that I had a chance to show them Duluth. After spending the morning with my teammate Rosalin cooking brunch for our team, we headed out to Park Point to walk on the beach. It was cold, but beautiful. After some coffee at my favorite Caribou, we drove up the North Shore. It was so fun to just spend some quality time with these two. That night, we watched Les Mis and enjoyed some snacks before an early Monday morning Holy Hour when they hit the road. I'm so glad they came to visit and helped make my first holiday away from home a little easier. See pictures of our adventures below.

As we now celebrate this Easter season, I hope that you may experience the joy of the Resurrection! Alleluia!

Kelsey and I at Caribou

NDSU ladies at Easter Party Saturday Night

Josie and I on a Lake Walk walk!

the Gift of being Catholic

Last weekend at Mass, Fr. Mike focused on the topic of "why be Catholic" as a conclusion to his 6-week series on "Do-it-yourself Religion." As always it was a great homily that left me thinking and more in love with Jesus. This week though, one particular phrase really stuck out: "being Catholic is a gift." Hm, I don't know that I have ever really thought about it like that before. So, without really noticing it, I asked Jesus right then and there at Mass Sunday evening to show me how being Catholic is such a gift. Little did I know how much He wanted to show me.

me and all my little sisters this summer

This week, I finished "Because God is Real" and moved on to the next book on my list, "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World." This book has been on my radar for some time, especially knowing that I am a serving motivation and older sister. I can relate to Martha pretty well when she is running around serving Jesus and her little sister Mary just sits at His feet (Luke 10:38-42). It is a good book with several points that have hit close to home for me and my own struggles to more deeply love Jesus. Yet, as I read, something just seemed to be missing... like I wasn't being told the complete story.

After a couple chapters, I realized why something didn't feel right... there are no saints quoted. (ok, later on Mother Teresa comes in... but only one saint the entire book?!?) There's also no sacraments. The author says it's important to rid our life of sin, but never says "go to Confession and experience true freedom." In the chapter about intimacy with Jesus, prayer is encouraged...  but no mention of the most intimate form of prayer: Eucharistic Adoration. Yes, this book is good and I'm finishing reading it before passing it off to my mom, but without the Church, it's just not complete.

Josie & I in 80s gear soph yr

I've felt this way about a book before. A few years ago, my wonderful friend Josie gave me the book "Captivating." It's a beautiful explanation of women's hearts, deepest desires, and dignity. But, the author left the Catholic Church... so the most beautiful woman ever, Mary, is not mentioned once. Like the one I'm reading now, there's also no other saints or sacraments. Theology of the Body has some incredible things to say about our dignity as women, but none of these teachings really made it in either. I used to say I was going to write the Catholic version of that book... but Jason and Crystalina Evert beat me to it. Check out "How to find your Soulmate without Losing your Soul." It's legit.


Back to this week: the sacraments and saints missing in my latest read weren't the only gifts of being Catholic that Jesus revealed to me. Last night at RCIA, we learned about suffering and how it can be redemptive because we can unite our suffering to Christ (Colossians 1:24). That's a huge gift because every time that I encounter suffering (physical, emotional, spiritual) I can "offer it up" and unite it to Jesus on the Cross. In fact, that mentality has helped make some intense morning spin classes just a little easier.

Last year when we had our end of the year banquet for FOCUS, all of the graduating seniors were asked what their favorite thing about being Catholic is. I had a few to choose from. They are:

1. The Eucharist. Jesus completely gives us Himself... His complete self. And we not only can receive Him at Mass, but also spend time in His presence in Adoration.

2. Bl. John Paul II's Theology of the Body. I'm in love with this teaching.... it's so beautiful and true. (Like all things Catholic)

3. Confession. What a blessing that this sacrament gives us Jesus's promise of forgiveness for all those times we choose against Him.

Another way that being Catholic is a gift is the beautiful tradition and history that accompany Christ's bride the Church. My pilgrimage to Rome two years ago made this fact abundantly clear to me. I was blown away by the rich history of faith portrayed in countless churches in the home of Catholicism.

in St. Peter's (March 2011)

As we transition from the papacy of Pope Benedict XVI to a new pope, it is also a great reminder of the gift of the papacy. We need a successor of St. Peter to watch over and guide the Church. We need a holy leader to guide us in the New Evangelization. Keep praying for the guidance of the Holy Spirit for our Cardinals!

This list is definitely not a finished list of why my Catholic faith is a gift. However, this week has been a wonderful opportunity to once again be reminded of why I'm Catholic and why that is so awesome. I'm so thankful that my parents brought me up in the faith, sacrificed so I could attend Catholic schools, and gave me such a beautiful example of marriage, family, and being a Catholic in today's world. As I type this, I realize that I have also been given the blessing of being called to share this gift in a profound way as a FOCUS missionary, and someday as a parent myself. Jesus is just too good to me. What an awesome gift the Catholic faith is.

Little Reminders of Love

After the past two packed weekends, this weekend was a much needed time of just enjoying some free time. As much as I love spending time with friends, I realized today how nice it was to have a weekend without many plans. God gave me many simple, little blessings this weekend. Here's a sampling:

-Spending Saturday and Sunday mornings with a cup of coffee and reading a few chapters of "Because God is Real" by Peter Kreeft (I definitely recommend it)

-Walking up to the lookout in Bagley with some girls on a sunny winter Saturday, then making our way back down with no sleds (check out my pictures to understand how gorgeous it was)

-Hanging out with my teammates last night for dinner and some Just Dance 4. I'm so blessed to have a great team. 

-Having nice weather to go for a run outside Friday and today. If this weather keeps up, I'll be running in shorts soon!

-Not having to set an alarm all weekend. I'm actually going to our 8pm Mass tonight for once!

-Getting caught up on some arts and crafts, including my scrapbook. I'm almost finished with my NDSU years. 

Perhaps the best part of this weekend has been allowing God to remind me of all the little things that bring me joy, like running in the sunshine, crafts, and reading. This semester has been really wonderful and packed with grace on campus, but Jesus knew I needed to be reminded that sometimes He loves me best through the little things I forget to thank Him for. I'm excited to get back on campus tomorrow and notice the little ways He wants to love me throughout this week! 

Won me Over

This past weekend I had the opportunity to help staff a FOCUS Interview Weekend. These weekends are great times of discernment, and my own IW last year was super helpful in realizing how God had been preparing me to answer His call to be a missionary with FOCUS. I was excited to help on the opposite side of the process in St. Paul, yet curious to see what the weekend would hold. 

Throughout the weekend, I got to meet some amazing potential missionaries, spend time with FOCUS friends, and learn more about myself. It was a busy, packed weekend and staying up late catching up with friends didn't help how tired I felt. I got back to Duluth yesterday afternoon utterly exhausted and somewhat emotionally numb. All I wanted was to just lay down and somehow feel awake and alive again. Once I recognized that, I knew what I had to do... go to Jesus. 

I am so thankful for the Perpetual Adoration chapel here in Duluth. It is my place to go when I just need to be in the presence of my King. So about 6pm last night, I enter, kneel down, and just tell Jesus that He can have as much time as He needs to show me why I feel run down and sad. I spent until 7:30 there with Him, and the only thing I knew when I left was that He loves me and that I really just needed a good night of sleep. 

I got that solid sleep, and woke up to go to Mass this morning at 8am, even though technically we had the day off. I was feeling much better and wasn't expecting any major grace from Mass and prayer. Well, God loves to surprise me. As I finished praying, it just hit me. My life is different now. Jesus has truly changed everything. He has won my heart. 

As I got in my car to go to Caribou for some coffee, I realized that this was a huge grace from the weekend. God wanted to show me how different my life is compared to when I didn't know Him. Sure, I've always been a "practicing Catholic" and I've always believed in God, but it didn't impact my entire life. In high school, despite the love of my family, I would be miserable, feeling very alone, and striving to prove my worth through perfect grades and a reputation as a leader. I thought if I just got good grades and kept busy, I'd somehow earn the love my heart longed for. What I didn't know was that I desired something greater than what I was filling my life with. 

College started with that same mentality of needing to prove myself. My faith was on the radar only as something to do because everyone expected me to keep being a "good Catholic girl" and I didn't want to lose that reputation. Jesus had other plans. My desire for friends led me to a FOCUS bible study, and my life would never again be the same. Through the love of the other women, through reading God's Word and actually seeing how it mattered, through a new habit of daily mass, and most importantly through prayer, I met Jesus. 

Freshman year, I started to really pray. Not just a list of intentions like when I was little, but actually entering into conversation with Jesus. When my junior year started, God very clearly asked for an hour each day. I gave it to Him.... and He won me over. Before, I had never noticed that God was pursuing me, that He loved me enough to keep chasing after me even though I acted as though He didn't exist. I was so busy trying to prove I was worth loving, that I failed to understand that the love I desired couldn't be earned. It was already mine if I would just accept it. Accept that I can't do anything on my own, and that I am in desperate need of a Savior. I am God's daughter, and therefore, I'm worth it. 

My life is still not perfect. But, my life is now a joyful pursuit of a true purpose. Not to be a straight-A student or get recognized for being a good person or anything else. I am pursuing Heaven, pursuing sainthood. I am by no means done getting to know Jesus, and I still struggle at times to let Him love me and really be my best friend. But I know that is the goal and I'm ok with admitting that I need His help and the love of family and friends to remember that. 

When I let Jesus in, He changed everything. He won me over and now has called me to this incredible opportunity to share His love in a very tangible way. This weekend, I was asked by several applicants if I love my job. The answer? YES! I have the best job ever. Because I get to help college students meet Jesus Christ through His Church, through the Sacraments, Scripture, good friendships, and prayer. I just hope and pray that my life might bear witness to them of the joy He longs to give if they are willing to let Him love them. 

One last thing: my favorite artist, Audrey Assad, has a great song about this idea. I was blasting it in my car this morning on my drive to Caribou. It's also where I got the title for this post. Click here to listen and just know that Jesus is pursuing your heart too. 

Good to be Alive

Yesterday morning was a great morning. Here is a little synopsis of what happened:
5:45am: alarm goes off
6:01am: get in my car (no scraping of the windshield necessary!) and successfully get out of my parking spot surrounded by piles of snow from Sunday's blizzard
     a few minutes into my drive to campus, the song "Good to be Alive" by Jason Gray comes on the radio.
                      Click here to hear it: Good to be Alive on youtube
6:30am: spin class starts. I'm back on the bike after last week's injury, and that song sticks with me!
8am: Holy Hour starts.. a whole hour to just be with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and say thank you
9am: my day continues... on a super positive note.

So why was this schedule such a great start to a Tuesday? Well, for those of you who didn't click the link, there's a few parts of that song that really stuck with mes:

"Hold on, is this really the life I'm living? Cuz I don't feel like I deserve it ... 

I want to live like there's no tomorrow, love like I'm on borrowed time, it's good to be alive...

 all I want is to give you a life well-lived to say thank you..."

Now, I've heard this song before, but this time it stuck in my head. As I pedaled, I realized what a blessing it was to even be able to move my legs... something that a week ago, for those who read my post, was pretty painful due to pushing myself a little too hard at that first class. then I realized how incredible it was to be able to exercise, to breathe, to be alive... As I kept thinking about it, this overwhelming gratitude for my life just filled my heart... Thank you Jesus. The lyrics from the song keep popping into my head, what a blessing my life is, how undeserving I am, and how I desire to live this life well for Jesus.

Fast forward through the cool-down to morning holy hour. Once we finished morning prayer, I sat back and read a few Gospel accounts of men and women who expressed thankfulness when Jesus healed them. I spent a good part of the rest of my time in Adoration just filled with gratitude. For my physical existence, yes,  but also for the fact that I am God's daughter... He has fought for me. I was so caught up in my own drama in high school, but He never stopped looking for me and drawing me to Himself. And now, I have a relationship with Jesus that I never could have dreamed of. On a daily basis, I get to share my love of Him with the students here at UMD. And I am so incredibly blessed.

In that above schedule, I didn't mention our team meeting. However, the theme of thankfulness continued there because Andy led us in prayer by meditating on the creation account and thinking about our own creation. It was so cool because it reaffirmed everything that had been in my heart all morning and even took it a step further. I could see God on the day I was born, huge smile, full of joy...saying: "finally.... now she gets to receive my love. she gets to live this incredible life I have had planned since the beginning of time... she gets to change the world if she just says yes." Words can't even describe that prayer experience!

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. Lent is a great time to rid our lives of those things which keep us from Jesus and prepare to celebrate His Passion, Death, and Resurrection. I'm not going to share all my Lenten resolutions here, but I have decided that some of them are going to focus on keeping this spirit of thankfulness alive. So, I am giving up complaining. And adding in some time at the end of each day to thank God for that day. For those of you who see me throughout Lent, if I am complaining, here is permission to (lovingly) point that out! I know I'm not perfect.. and that resolution will be a work in progress.

Jason Gray's song is just an incredible reflection on what a blessing our lives are, how beautiful they become through being lived, and how fitting it is to thank God by living life well for Him. Have a great Lent everyone!

"Pain" in Perspective

I woke up this morning and knew instantly: today will be rough. As I got out of bed, my legs just ached. I had gone to bed feeling a little sore, but woke up stiff. Muscles hurt that I didn't even know existed... what did I do to myself?

Well, a few weeks ago I agreed to go to 6:30am spin class with Tessa, a wonderful student here at UMD, 2 mornings a week. Last week, the class was full, so yesterday was my first day. It was a shocking reality check about how out of shape I am, but also a reminder of my 4 years biking in the NDSU vs. UND Newman bike race. I figured a one hour class wouldn't be too terrible compared to those 40 mile races in the North Dakota wind... false.

bison courts bike race crew 2011

So this morning, here I am just aching every time I move, convinced that if my muscles could talk, they would be screaming. All morning, it was somewhat consuming my thoughts... and I was complaining about it to almost anyone who inquired as to how I was doing. Wimp? yes.

However, today happens to be the day when the Church remembers St. Paul Miki and his companions, men who were martyred for the faith in Japan in 1597. At noon Mass at Newman, Fr. Mike gives this awesome homily about a quote from St. Paul Miki:

"The only reason for my being killed is that I have taught the doctrine of Christ. I thank God it is for this reason that I die...After Christ's example, I forgive my persecutors. I do not hate them. I ask God to have pity on all, and I hope my blood will fall on my fellow men as fruitful rain." 

Fr. Mike shared how sometimes we want our way so badly that we can't recognize a bigger purpose. We get focused on ourselves and stop there. As he spoke, I just knew that this was God's way of telling me that I really don't have it that bad. For one, this initial pain of getting in shape will get better. It's not like I can't move at all. And, it is a wonderful opportunity to embrace my mom's "offer it up" motto.

Now that I have been given this needed reality check, my "pain" (which is really just aching, still muscles) is in perspective. It's been 3 hours since Mass, but I've been doing my best to not complain. Sure, my legs still ache and I'm sure tomorrow morning it will be tempting to skip spin class. But, the witness of these martyrs was the amazing reminder I needed that ultimately, Jesus is who matters. Our suffering (small aches, or heroic martyrdom) can serve a purpose bigger than me. I had decided to offer these workouts for my bible studies... so I guess those girls get a prayer every time I feel this stiffness, and not just during that hour of spin class!

St. Paul Miki and companions, pray for us!

Being Single.... is not an illness

Alright, well I just had a super good impromptu chat with the wonderful Katie and just have some thoughts I need to share. It's kind of an appropriate topic with Valentine's day coming up, as well as nearing the end of my dating fast. Our society often treats being single like it is some sort of illness. Once you hit college, if you don't find that boyfriend... well, something must be wrong with you! That is just so not true.

I have been single for almost four years now and will definitely admit that at times it has been hard and the question of "is there something wrong with me?" has crossed my mind. Not to mention that every time I sign into Facebook, my news feed is full of engagement rings and ultrasound photos from all my friends (I'm super excited for you all..... please don't think otherwise). As a first year missionary, I'm asked to be on a dating fast for this first year on FOCUS staff. Oh boy.

So Katie and I are sitting here on campus, just chatting about life and relationships come up. She tells me that she is just finishing a 3-month dating fast... wow. I'm seriously impressed because as a sophomore in college that would not have been something I would have chosen for myself. But it was so great to share graces from each of our fasts. Both of us have been able to recognize the beauty of truly surrendering that desire for marriage to God, and letting Him have it. For me, it also is helping me learn to be fully dependent on Jesus, after all, only He gives the love that truly satisfies my heart.

One of the best things that Katie said was that she know's she is worth waiting for. And that is something I have realized too: I'm worth it. Worth waiting for, worth being pursued, worth being fought for. And I also know that my future spouse is worth it. Worth waiting for, worth letting him pursue me, worth letting him fight for me. And also worth the ache that sometimes accompanies not having my Vocation just yet.

As women, we sometimes settle because we don't want to be alone or don't know if we'll find someone who "meets our standards" or because we get impatient. But the purpose of dating is to discern if that person is your future spouse, not just to have someone to boost your self-esteem or make sure you have plans Friday night. And this time of preparation (and waiting) will make me so much more appreciative of that awesome guy I know God has planned for me.

On a final note, Katie shared something I thought was really awesome. She said sometimes we give things to God just to pick them back up later, rather than just leave them in His hands. I know that even though right now I feel awesome about the dating fast and being single, there might come a time when it is hard. I hope that God is able to give me the grace to just continue to leave it in His hands, trusting that when the time is right, He will give me an amazing relationship I could never even imagine on my own.

Special thanks to Katie for a chat which pretty much made my day!

Back with a Mission

Well, it's been a wonderful week adjusting to life back in Duluth. And it is super great to be back. Being home in Fargo those 2 weeks after SEEK was a bit of a "buzz-kill" for lack of a better expression. Thankfully, Jesus and my wonderful friends on Team NDSU kept my momentum and zeal going. It was a new experience for me to be in Fargo, yet longing to be somewhere else. What a beautiful grace to recognize that I truly belong where God has sent me... here in Duluth as a FOCUS missionary.

So, last Thursday I packed my car and headed east through lakes country. With each small Minnesota town, I got more and more excited. As I finished my Hwy 200 leg of the journey, I saw the "Duluth 60" sign and just smiled. After unpacking and repacking, our team headed south to the Cities for a wonderful weekend together before the semester started. It was a pretty chill weekend just spending time at the cabin we rented, playing games and relaxing, as well as taking in a Six Appeal concert (local acapella group) and Mass at the Basilica and Cathedral!

After a Monday full of getting life back together (Target run, cleaning, and organizing), it was back to campus on Tuesday as school resumed for spring semester. It certainly didn't feel like "spring" though, with sub-zero temperatures that made me thankful for UMD's campus, which is completely connected indoors. My week was quickly filled with planning bible study, meeting up with my 3 wonderful disciples, and following up with students from SEEK... wow God is good. The speakers and sacraments at SEEK led to some big changes in these women's hearts, and a renewed zeal for evangelization on campus, something I share in a new way too.

Perhaps one blessing about being home for a bit after SEEK was the time it gave me to reflect on my first semester as a missionary and ways in which God was calling me to grow more this semester. My prayers and reflections eventually led me to the following vision of what this semester might look like, what the rest of my life might be, and it is my personal mission: to become a saint in such a way that others are inspired and led to become saints too.

How do I do this? By radiating Christ's love. That's why I'm here. Not to lead good bible studies, or be on campus so many hours per day, or meet with 10 women each week. No, I'm here to invite these students to know Jesus Christ and have a relationship with Him. To help them know how to do so in the Church He founded and to share that with others. Basically, I just need to introduce everyone I meet to my best friend. With that perspective, and a clearly defined mission, I know I am ready for a really great semester. And the great part is, when I shared that with Teia, Catie, and Shannon in discipleship, they all seemed really excited to do that too.

In addition to these goals about sharing Jesus this semester, I'm also undertaking a few personal goals to balance my time a little. This week, I'm starting spinning class with Tessa. We will be cycling hard from 6:30-7:30 am 2 mornings a week! I'm also trying to spend more time just living life with my wonderful friends here, which started today with an afternoon holy hour and then Caribou work-time with Teia and Shannon.

Finally, I am determined to use this blog more this semester to share the beautiful gift God has given me of being a missionary with anyone who would like to read. My call to FOCUS is just that, a gift, and I think sharing it a little more will help me keep that in perspective, even when sacrifices might be required. Sometimes I still can't believe that God has called me to be a missionary... thank you Jesus!