Have Your Way, My King

The song "Help me Find it" (Sidewalk Prophets) has been a theme of mine this year. The line that always gets to me is in the bridge: "Have your way, my King." That's the openness of heart and life I'm trying to have. "Have your way Jesus, You are my King, and this is all for You." It is incredible what a difference it makes. I just take that line to prayer constantly... and try to make it more and more sincere every time I say it. I want to just let my life be completely abandoned to whatever Jesus wants for me. Whatever He wants to do through me and my time as a missionary.

Last week, I got to attend the regional Team Director Summit in Chicago. It was a huge blessing to spend time with other leaders within FOCUS and share our successes and struggles on campus this fall. One TD shared how she and her team spend a few moments giving each day to God, praying through their schedule for that day together. Since returning to Duluth, I've been trying to do that. Each morning, before I even leave my apartment, I just go through my schedule, praying about each appointment, task, etc. And it has completely changed my life.

My conversations have been completely transformed. Bible study and discipleship, as well as conversations with teammates and students.... they are all bearing more fruit. And not because of anything I'm doing, but because I'm finally willing to step aside and let Jesus be in control. Sure, there are still some times I am a bit nervous about truly challenging someone and miss the opportunity, but when I let Him do all the work, wow.

For example, some of the women I meet with for discipleship are just amazing me. Their vulnerability and openness to be challenged to share their faith is truly remarkable. And I'm able to see that when Jesus is steering the conversation. I also find myself being more productive, getting things accomplished in record time... hence the time to write this post.

I'm not perfect at this whole abandonment thing just yet, but the more I let myself belong to my King, the more I realize just how much God loves me and wants me to be happy. I don't have to feel overwhelmed by the many responsibilities, relationships, and roles in my life.... I can embrace them as the specific mission He has chosen for me. All in the bigger mission of His... the salvation of the entire world. And as one of our regional leaders, Dan, said last week: It is a privilege, not a burden, to be part of this greatest mission.

I hope each one of my blog readers can take that line of "have your way my King" to prayer and just see what happens.... to truly let go of our control over our lives, schedule, future.... and sincerely seek God's will alone, the role in His mission He wants us each to have.

My (Hopeful) Future Feast Day

Today's Caribou Coffee trivia question was awesome. Especially for all us Catholics. The question: What is the day after Halloween called? The answer: All Saints Day. Just another reminder of the amazing solemnity we celebrate today. And I was blessed to go to Mass twice to celebrate!

I've thought a lot about becoming a saint throughout the past few years. Ever since my relationship with Jesus really took off my junior year at NDSU, sainthood has been my goal. And I've always loved the way Fr. Mike (our UMD chaplain) blesses those who cannot receive Communion: "May God bless you and make you a saint". But last night, those words took on a whole new meaning. I attended Mass with some girls from my bible study and as Fr. Mike blessed the one in front of me in the Communion line, I got chills. As I stepped up and said "Amen" to receive Jesus, something in me changed. I realized in a profound way that I receive Jesus in the Eucharist because.... I want to be a saint. I want to be like Him. 

A real simple definition of sainthood might be helpful. Today, Fr. Mike explained it as "saying yes to God in each moment". I like that, it makes my goal of sainthood pretty simple. Just say yes to God - including when He invites me to write a blog post!

There are a couple big ways that I have noticed God is making me a saint. And honestly, I don't remember if I have blogged about them before, so my apologies if this is repeated. But perspective can always change... so here we go. 

The first way God is currently forming me into a saint is through my call to be a FOCUS missionary and, this year, team director. I truly get to build virtue everyday. Growing in my courage to share the Gospel, talking daily about my relationship with Jesus and how I live it in His Church, and being surrounded by others who encourage me in living a moral life... what an amazing job. It is definitely a gift. My Dove chocolate wrapper tonight read "love what you do" and I definitely do. My job is incredible, beautifully challenging, and uniquely rewarding. Regardless of how long I stay on staff, my time with FOCUS will forever have had an impact on the saint I'm striving to become. 

Catie - a student from last year, now a FOCUS mish!

The second way God is increasing my ability to be a saint is through my relationship with Devin. I never thought I would meet such an amazing, virtuous man. Devin treats me with so much respect and love, and truly puts my relationship with Jesus first. I love that our weekend visits include shared prayer time and that most of our conversations via Skype or FaceTime end with a prayer. Being in a relationship with such an awesome guy definitely reveals God's love for me even more. Devin loves me like Jesus does. He truly is helping me learn how to receive love and embrace being a beloved daughter of God. Long distance relationships are tough, but I'm realizing how to love... not just when it feels good, but even when it is tough. I'm also learning what a beautiful thing it is to discern marriage through dating... and let all that I have read about Theology of the Body and Love and Responsibility be a lived reality. Devin and I want eachother to be saints, and I'm so thankful to have such a great man to walk this path of sainthood with. 

Devin and I at Halloween party last weekend

At the All Saints Day mass I attended today, Fr. Mike really put today's feast in perspective. The title of this post is "My (Hopeful) Future Feast Day" because of that perspective. Today is the day that the Catholic Church celebrates all those who have lived lives worthy of eternal happiness in Heaven. Since that is what I hope to attain, then really I'm trying to live a life that someday leads me to have this as my feast day. The day when the whole Church will celebrate the way God's grace saved me from sin and death, and gave me this beautiful life of love. What a beautiful perspective to end the week!