Being Single.... is not an illness

Alright, well I just had a super good impromptu chat with the wonderful Katie and just have some thoughts I need to share. It's kind of an appropriate topic with Valentine's day coming up, as well as nearing the end of my dating fast. Our society often treats being single like it is some sort of illness. Once you hit college, if you don't find that boyfriend... well, something must be wrong with you! That is just so not true.

I have been single for almost four years now and will definitely admit that at times it has been hard and the question of "is there something wrong with me?" has crossed my mind. Not to mention that every time I sign into Facebook, my news feed is full of engagement rings and ultrasound photos from all my friends (I'm super excited for you all..... please don't think otherwise). As a first year missionary, I'm asked to be on a dating fast for this first year on FOCUS staff. Oh boy.

So Katie and I are sitting here on campus, just chatting about life and relationships come up. She tells me that she is just finishing a 3-month dating fast... wow. I'm seriously impressed because as a sophomore in college that would not have been something I would have chosen for myself. But it was so great to share graces from each of our fasts. Both of us have been able to recognize the beauty of truly surrendering that desire for marriage to God, and letting Him have it. For me, it also is helping me learn to be fully dependent on Jesus, after all, only He gives the love that truly satisfies my heart.

One of the best things that Katie said was that she know's she is worth waiting for. And that is something I have realized too: I'm worth it. Worth waiting for, worth being pursued, worth being fought for. And I also know that my future spouse is worth it. Worth waiting for, worth letting him pursue me, worth letting him fight for me. And also worth the ache that sometimes accompanies not having my Vocation just yet.

As women, we sometimes settle because we don't want to be alone or don't know if we'll find someone who "meets our standards" or because we get impatient. But the purpose of dating is to discern if that person is your future spouse, not just to have someone to boost your self-esteem or make sure you have plans Friday night. And this time of preparation (and waiting) will make me so much more appreciative of that awesome guy I know God has planned for me.

On a final note, Katie shared something I thought was really awesome. She said sometimes we give things to God just to pick them back up later, rather than just leave them in His hands. I know that even though right now I feel awesome about the dating fast and being single, there might come a time when it is hard. I hope that God is able to give me the grace to just continue to leave it in His hands, trusting that when the time is right, He will give me an amazing relationship I could never even imagine on my own.

Special thanks to Katie for a chat which pretty much made my day!

Back with a Mission

Well, it's been a wonderful week adjusting to life back in Duluth. And it is super great to be back. Being home in Fargo those 2 weeks after SEEK was a bit of a "buzz-kill" for lack of a better expression. Thankfully, Jesus and my wonderful friends on Team NDSU kept my momentum and zeal going. It was a new experience for me to be in Fargo, yet longing to be somewhere else. What a beautiful grace to recognize that I truly belong where God has sent me... here in Duluth as a FOCUS missionary.

So, last Thursday I packed my car and headed east through lakes country. With each small Minnesota town, I got more and more excited. As I finished my Hwy 200 leg of the journey, I saw the "Duluth 60" sign and just smiled. After unpacking and repacking, our team headed south to the Cities for a wonderful weekend together before the semester started. It was a pretty chill weekend just spending time at the cabin we rented, playing games and relaxing, as well as taking in a Six Appeal concert (local acapella group) and Mass at the Basilica and Cathedral!

After a Monday full of getting life back together (Target run, cleaning, and organizing), it was back to campus on Tuesday as school resumed for spring semester. It certainly didn't feel like "spring" though, with sub-zero temperatures that made me thankful for UMD's campus, which is completely connected indoors. My week was quickly filled with planning bible study, meeting up with my 3 wonderful disciples, and following up with students from SEEK... wow God is good. The speakers and sacraments at SEEK led to some big changes in these women's hearts, and a renewed zeal for evangelization on campus, something I share in a new way too.

Perhaps one blessing about being home for a bit after SEEK was the time it gave me to reflect on my first semester as a missionary and ways in which God was calling me to grow more this semester. My prayers and reflections eventually led me to the following vision of what this semester might look like, what the rest of my life might be, and it is my personal mission: to become a saint in such a way that others are inspired and led to become saints too.

How do I do this? By radiating Christ's love. That's why I'm here. Not to lead good bible studies, or be on campus so many hours per day, or meet with 10 women each week. No, I'm here to invite these students to know Jesus Christ and have a relationship with Him. To help them know how to do so in the Church He founded and to share that with others. Basically, I just need to introduce everyone I meet to my best friend. With that perspective, and a clearly defined mission, I know I am ready for a really great semester. And the great part is, when I shared that with Teia, Catie, and Shannon in discipleship, they all seemed really excited to do that too.

In addition to these goals about sharing Jesus this semester, I'm also undertaking a few personal goals to balance my time a little. This week, I'm starting spinning class with Tessa. We will be cycling hard from 6:30-7:30 am 2 mornings a week! I'm also trying to spend more time just living life with my wonderful friends here, which started today with an afternoon holy hour and then Caribou work-time with Teia and Shannon.

Finally, I am determined to use this blog more this semester to share the beautiful gift God has given me of being a missionary with anyone who would like to read. My call to FOCUS is just that, a gift, and I think sharing it a little more will help me keep that in perspective, even when sacrifices might be required. Sometimes I still can't believe that God has called me to be a missionary... thank you Jesus!

SEEK2013. God is good.

disciple Shannon and I

Wow, it has been forever since I have taken the time to sit down and write about life. The end of the semester kept us busy with SEEK preparations, Christmas parties, and team-time. Then it was back to NoDak for a week and a half at home. And it was so good. I was blessed to see both sides of my extended family this Christmas and spend countless hours just hanging out with my sisters at home in Fargo. It was the first time since August that we had all been home. I realized how much I crave that quality time with them, watching movies, shopping, and taking naps. Then, it was back to Duluth... to board a bus for 32 hours down to ..... ORLANDO!

SEEK2013 was the craziest week ever, not just with being busy, but also learning about myself. I'm not sure how to best share all of the blessings of conference, but here goes...




with student Catie and teammate Nicole

SEEK was the first time I had seen some of my fellow FOCUS missionaries since the summer. Many hugs and stories and smiles were exchanged during our week in Orlando. It was also a solid week with my (now former) teammate Nicole, who was my roommate for conference. Nicole and her husband Jonathon have been assigned to University of Florida for this next semester, and I am going to miss these friends dearly. It was so good to spend time each morning getting ready with Nicole during our last week together for a while.




with my cousin Josh and sister Jennifer

Secondly, I was able to spend some time with my little sister, who attended SEEK with the group from UND. Jennifer and I were able to attend a couple of the talks together and before I left, she gave me a huge hug, rather than our usual sister handshake. I loved hearing how much she was learning from all the speakers and getting texts like "Kristen, I just met Dr. Sri. He's awesome!" I'm so glad we got to share conference.







my former roomies!

It was also a great week with some of my NDSU friends who attended conference. It was great to catch up and hear how everything is going for the FOCUS program at NDSU, which was a huge part of my life for 4 years. Some of us even gathered to cheer on the Bison to a second national championship... Once a Bison, Always a Bison.

Finally, by far the best part... being with the students of UMD again. I missed my new friends a lot during my short time at home. It was great to attend mass with them (as well as 6,200 students, 100+ priests, and 350 missionaries), gather together under our UMD flag for the keynotes, and enjoy the Florida sun. On the bus ride home, we opened the mic for testimonies and I was blown away by the depth of what these students shared. Many of them had life changing confessions (some for the first time), were challenged by the speakers, and built lasting friendships with their peers. I am so pumped to get back to campus and follow up with all of them. It is going to be a good semester at UMD.

Oh yeah, I should probably mention, I'm not on campus right now. We don't go back to school for another week. So I've been catching up on sleep after SEEK, spending time at home and NDSU, and setting some goals for this next semester. Break has re-lit that fire within my heart and I am more determined than ever to live out this incredible mission to bring college students into a relationship with my best friend, Jesus Christ.




Kelsey and I

Perhaps the most convicting thing for me over SEEK was the emphasis on the need for dynamic Catholics today. We can't be lukewarm, it's not an option. At the end of our life, we are either in Heaven or hell, there's no place for mediocre. We are called to be saints and to become saints together. That's a big task, but it is totally possible. SEEK helped me realize that it can happen.. there are enough of us in the young Church today to change the world. All we have to do is help each other keep that fire going and fall deeply in love with Jesus Christ.