I thought "Pause", but God thought "Fullness of Life"

Last week, I started my day with a walk and a rosary. This has been one of my favorite ways to start off my summer days, but last Thursday was different. Thursday was the day that I turned 26. Before graduating college, I often thought my life would look quite a bit different by this point in time. I planned to start my career and hopefully Vocation right away. By 26, I wanted to be settled into my teaching job, married with a growing family, with life on track to be pretty awesome. 

As many of you know, this is not exactly where I am at age 26. Rather than settled into my job, I'm just starting year two (which as a teacher is still a huge time of learning and figuring things out). While I am married, Devin and I are still "newlyweds" and baby number one is due to arrive around Thanksgiving. The cause of this change from the original "track" I thought my life was on... God's plan won out. His plan was not a job and Vocation right out of college, but rather an amazing adventure as a missionary. 

When I was discerning FOCUS during my senior year at NDSU, I remember sometimes feeling like saying yes and giving 2 years of my life to the mission would be putting my life and dreams and plans on pause. Now, 3 1/2 years after making that decision to follow God's plan instead of mine, I more fully see that FOCUS was in no way a pause, but rather an opportunity to live life more fully. I can't imagine my life in any other way. Instead of worrying about what I would have to wait for or give up by not having my Vocation and career right away, I am able now to see all that I have gained. During that birthday morning rosary, I realized that I am not "already 26", I am "only 26" with a lot of incredible life lived (and of course, many incredible things to come). 

If I hadn't allowed God to change my plans, I would not be the person I am today and I would not have had the incredible opportunities that I have had. Here are a few ways that FOCUS didn't pause my life, but rather made it all the more wonderful: 

1. Getting outside my comfort zone - from finally moving out of my hometown, to spending 2 weeks in Guyana on mission, my time with FOCUS really taught me how to step outside what was familiar and comfortable. Now I know that I am not back in Fargo because I can't thrive elsewhere, but rather that I am here because God wants me here - it's not just a default. 

2. Learning to truly trust - between fundraising my full salary and going on a year long dating fast while most of my peers were getting married and having babies, my trust in God was challenged and grew in many ways. Now, whenever I catch myself having doubts about the future, I have these experiences to fall back on and prove to me that I can trust God's plan. 

3. Being ready for marriage - God knew that I needed more time to be ready for my vocation, and He saw that good that would come from how that extra time would allow my friendship with Devin to blossom into an incredible love story. We both were ready when the timing was right, and now we get to experience an incredible life together! 

4. Landing my dream job - teaching math at my former Catholic school was always the dream, but the reality in spring 2012 as I finished college was that they didn't need a math teacher yet. 2 years later as I moved back from Duluth, my job at Sullivan was open and ready! Not only that, but having a couple more years under my belt helps give a bit more of an age buffer between me and my students - not such a bad thing with challenging middle school classroom management situations. 

Of course, I could probably share many more ways that God has shown me that He has never put my life on pause, but I have a few other projects to get to yet today. John 10:10 is so true - "I came that they might have life, and have it to the full." God's plan added fullness to my life, not just in the moments I had as a missionary, but also in the present as a wife, mom to be, and teacher. The message I hope this helps to share is that God always knows what He is doing, and saying Yes to Him might change the plans you had, but only for the better. For all you college students and high school students in particular... ask God what His timeline is for you and don't be afraid to do something different if that's where He calls you, He always knows best :)

Source of Energy

It's been a while since this blog has seen any posts, but lately I've just felt like it's something I should get back to. So, here are some thoughts on what the past 2 days of Gospels have been teaching me about being a teacher.

In yesterday's Gospel, Jesus has just found out about the death of John the Baptist, yet when He tries to get some time to grieve, the crowds keep following Him. Jesus sees the need these people have for Him and ministers to them. This even leads to one of His most well-known miracles - the multiplication of loaves and fish to feed over 5,000 people!

As the story continues in today's Gospel, Jesus takes time by Himself to pray... and then goes and saves His disciples from a storm, while also rescuing Peter when his fear gets the best of him. I think the most important moment in these two stories is the bridge that connects them - Jesus's time in prayer.

While Jesus is the Son of God, His time reconnecting with the Father is still something He takes time for and is where I believe His strength to reach out to crowds of needy thousands and doubtful Peters comes from. As I first started thinking about these stories and how they could apply to my life, I realized that as a teacher, there are times where I might need some personal time, or might tire from having to help the same students over and over again. But, like Jesus, I'm called to give of myself and strive to minister to their needs. This sometimes seems like a daunting task. In fact, what makes me a little nervous about school starting up again isn't the lesson plans or knowing the math I'm supposed to teach - I'm nervous about having enough energy to teach in the way my students need!

What I can learn from Jesus is that my strength needs to come from where His strength came from - time in prayer. My fear of being not having energy should be what leads me to give time to Jesus. Not only will He help me to teach and help my students, but He will also help me to still have energy left to spend time with my husband and prepare for our son to arrive! I know that if I make prayer a priority, Jesus will help me to teach as He taught, especially when it comes to giving of myself when it may seen most difficult.