Becoming a Diamond

One thing I really love is when books I'm reading just hit on exactly what I need to hear at that moment. I love that God controls what I read and when I read it so that He can speak to my heart in the way that I need. I recently was reading "The Furrow" by St. Josemaria Escriva, and he has this beautiful paragraph about suffering. He explains that when we are given challenges or suffering it is because God desires to form us into something beautiful. He wouldn't put all that effort into an ordinary pebble, it's the diamond that has time and effort invested in to make it truly beautiful. Pressure is placed on the diamond so that it might become the precious gem it is meant to be.

Well, I am convinced that over the past month God has been more actively forming me into a diamond, into the precious daughter He made me to be. And what's amazing is that as He strengthens and forms me, He is taking care of all those other areas of my life that I don't have the energy to take care of. Let me explain with a few examples...

On August 19, I moved back to Duluth, excited to begin a year with my wonderful team and students. Yet, there also was a looming stress on my heart.... my Grandpa Ben was nearing the end of his life here on earth. It was hard to be leaving home at a time when I knew my family needed me, and I needed them. As I packed for our camping trip with our student missionaries on Friday the 23rd, the news came... Grandpa entered Heaven that afternoon. I attended the first 24 hours of the camping trip, and then got in my car once again, heading west to be home.

me, Grandpa, and Emily in 1991

As hard as it was to say goodbye and to see my mom, grandma, and family mourn, the funeral was so grace-filled. My grandparents are saints. Grandma has spent the past five years lovingly by Grandpa's side as he slowly grew more detached from this world through the onset of Alzheimer's. I cannot tell you how many hours she spent praying for him, and the rest of their family. The faithful example of marriage they have shown is incredible, one I know has helped shape my parents' own marriage to be something I strive to imitate one day. As I drove back to Duluth after the funeral, I was determined. I will be a Saint; I will work my hardest to be a saint like them.

As I transitioned into our initial outreach and as the freshmen moved onto campus, I began to realize what a responsibility it is to be a team director. I am honored to serve my team, but wow does it require a lot of extra work. My to do list seemed to be constantly increasing rather than decreasing for the first two weeks of classes, despite long days of trying to get much of it accomplished. There were moments I wanted to just throw my hands up and walk away, convinced I had no clue what I was doing, that I couldn't do it, and that it just took much. And even though I have an incredible boyfriend, the reality of how hard the distance is hit me even more when I was stressed out and Devin was over 4 hours away. I remember a few times even going to prayer and repeating Mother Teresa's words at the end of her life, "Jesus, this is too much."

However, Jesus knew it wasn't too much. When I had no clue what I was doing, He did. He knew exactly what He was about. And despite the hours He asked me to spend ordering bible studies, preparing team meetings, chalking and knocking, helping student missionaries, and preparing for our missions promotion, He blessed my first two weeks on-campus more than I ever could imagine. Some of those blessings include:
-seeing 2 girls I met last year at the Activities Fair and being able to invite them to my bible study
-meeting more girls on the volleyball and basketball teams, who are coming to bible study!
-being welcomed into the lives of some ladies on the track team, who might start coming to my athletes' study
-watching the women I have in my discipleship chain reach out lovingly to many new students and set goals to have 10 girls in each of their bible studies before Christmas.
-having our events attended by many new students, who desire to make Newman a part of their time at UMD
-having my team support me and having some great team meetings, really striving to change campus for the better this year
-having Devin come visit for a weekend and spend time enjoying Duluth's natural beauty a bit.

I'm sure there are many other blessings, some I'm forgetting and some I can't see right now. But, back to the point of this post, God is asking much of me, because He wants me to be a saint. Being a saint, being a soldier for Him, doesn't just happen. It takes struggle, and saying "yes" to His will even when it seems too big or too hard. It means getting out of bed even when I'm tired, packing my schedule full from 8am-8pm for days on end to spend time with students and getting work done, and it means looking outside of myself to care for my team and disciples as best I can, trusting God to love them through me. Because at the end of the day, the only way I shine as a diamond is if it is Jesus shining through me.

with some ladies in my discipleship chain at the
Activities Fair last week

with students and teammates playing paintbal

out on the Park Point beach with Devin

Prayer and God's Perfect Timing

I've been meaning to write about fall outreach for almost a week now, and I probably will spend some of my time this weekend doing that. But I just couldn't pass up the beautiful opportunity to share how God has answered prayers. First, the back story.

Last spring, we made an effort to be more intentional about sitting with new people at Sunday Mass on-campus. So, one day, probably in mid-April, I sat by a student I had never met. We chatted a little before Mass, but I didn't have a chance to get her number to follow up. Nevertheless, I put her name on a list of students I had met to continue to pray for her. I saw her another time at the coffee shop on campus last spring, but again didn't get any contact information.

Well, throughout the summer, this girl's name was on my list of students to pray for and so I did. I never was super intentional about it, just occasionally asking that God would place her in my path this year if it should be His will. Little did I know how perfectly He can time things.

Last night, I planned to play some ultimate frisbee after Mass as a way to spend time with two girls I met last week. However, they texted me last minute saying that they wouldn't be coming. So, I decided to walk back to the Newman house and go home to prepare for tonight's first athletes' study. As I approached the house, there was this girl from Mass the previous semester! She was standing in the road looking lost. I said hi and was happy to see that she recognized me. It turns out she had been looking for the local temple to go to a speaker, but couldn't find it.

I invited her to tomorrow's Mass and Meal at Newman and she was shocked when I asked for her number. "I never get invited to things" she replied, while also eagerly entering my number into her phone. My heart instantly was moved for this daughter of God. I showed her around our small Newman house, including inviting her to stop by anytime to hang out or spend time praying in the Chapel. I'm hoping and praying that she is able to come tomorrow so that I can introduce her to some more Newman ladies and help her find a community of Catholics to support her in her faith.

As I drove home last night, I just was in awe of how God answered my summer prayers for this young lady. He had to time her search of that event just right with my leaving the field. He had to prevent those other girls from coming so that I would decide not to play. Had He not, I wouldn't have had a way to invite her into the Newman community.

Lesson? Never doubt God's desire to answer our prayers and His power over our timing of encounters with others. His plan is very well thought out.