For Love of You: Learning the Reality of God's Love... in a Beautiful, Challenging Way

Well, it's been a whole summer and I haven't blogged once. So much has been happening, it is hard to believe I haven't taken the time to sit back and just reflect on what has been one of the craziest, most grace-filled summers of my life. After a couple weeks at home following Team Director training in May, I flew off to FOCUS New Staff Training for 5 weeks in Florida. After returning home in early July, I spent 4 weeks soaking in time with family, catching up with friends and supporters, and spending some wonderful weekends at the lake and weddings with Devin. When August began, so did the next chapter of my summer. On the 2nd, it was off to NYC, to meet up with the rest of the Guyana mission trip crew. After returning to the States on the 14th, I had just 5 short days to catch up with loved ones, pack up, and get back to Duluth. Now, I'm almost a week in to my first on-campus semester as a team director.

As I mentioned, it has been a summer with many graces, and I could probably blog about any one of those "chapters" listed above for several pages. But, I want to share probably the experience that was the most unique and life-changing: mission trip in Guyana.

They say when you go on mission, to be ready for surprises. While I was certainly ready for some surprises (new foods, crazy God-filled moments, etc), I didn't expect the biggest surprise of them all: how tough it was to be on mission. I have wanted to go on a mission trip for several years now, and figured my time with FOCUS was a great time to do a trip. I was a little nervous about going to a foreign country and being outside my comfort zone, but never really gave much thought to how much room it would give me to experience God's love.

Outside my comfort zone. That describes the difficulty of the trip pretty well. Not only was I somewhere new, but everything was so different. Hot, humid days with no break from the heat because there's no air conditioning. Constantly being sticky due to sunscreen and bug spray, sleeping with a mosquito net, showering with rain water, and having to be cautious about drinking water sources. Not to mention super early mornings and late nights (even though the sun set at 6:30pm) and a totally different environment. Perhaps the icing on this whole scenerio was no cell phone, no way to connect with those I love most and share my experience with them day by day.

While I was in Guyana, these discomforts took over and were huge distractions. I struggled with being homesick, yet at the same time longing deep in my heart to share God's love with the people of Charity, the town we were in. So, I showed up each morning at holy hour and went to bed each night surrendering everything to Jesus as best I could.

As we flew home, I felt like I hadn't made the impact I could have or pushed myself enough. As I got back in touch with friends and family, everyone asked "How was Guyana?" I didn't know how to answer.... did I tell them the truth of how much I longed to be home, how hard it was? Or should I put on a brave face and pretend like it was amazing every second? Well, as I'm sharing the difficulties online, you probably realize I'm ok now with sharing that it was hard. However, in this first full week home, I've realized something. Guyana was amazing. My life was changed. And through my presence, others' lives were changed too.

I'll write another post soon (yes I promise) with lives I think I helped change. Before this post gets incredibly long, I just want to share the biggest impact the trip had on me: a better understanding of what it means to truly trust God's love for me. When I needed some sleep, He provided a siesta. When I was exhausted, He provided ways to serve that didn't involve running around with 50 4-11 year olds. When I turned 24 away from home, He gave me an incredible understanding of the best gift ever: the gift of life. And at the end of it all, He brought me home. Home to a family I love and appreciate so much more, a boyfriend who supports every step of my walk of faith, and a job that I truly love. Yes, being on mission in Guyana was great and there is truly a need for missionaries there. But, that missionary isn't me outside of those 2 weeks. My mission field right now is right here, on the campus of UMD, as team director of a truly wonderful team. And that grace of seeing how I really do desire every role God has invited me to right now is truly an incredible gift as I begin my second year on campus.

So, essentially I learned that when God says He will take care of me, He really means it. When He says He loves me, that's a very deep truth. And it's true all the time, when I'm at my best or worst. His love is real.

Until my stories.... here are some pictures!