Being Single.... is not an illness

Alright, well I just had a super good impromptu chat with the wonderful Katie and just have some thoughts I need to share. It's kind of an appropriate topic with Valentine's day coming up, as well as nearing the end of my dating fast. Our society often treats being single like it is some sort of illness. Once you hit college, if you don't find that boyfriend... well, something must be wrong with you! That is just so not true.

I have been single for almost four years now and will definitely admit that at times it has been hard and the question of "is there something wrong with me?" has crossed my mind. Not to mention that every time I sign into Facebook, my news feed is full of engagement rings and ultrasound photos from all my friends (I'm super excited for you all..... please don't think otherwise). As a first year missionary, I'm asked to be on a dating fast for this first year on FOCUS staff. Oh boy.

So Katie and I are sitting here on campus, just chatting about life and relationships come up. She tells me that she is just finishing a 3-month dating fast... wow. I'm seriously impressed because as a sophomore in college that would not have been something I would have chosen for myself. But it was so great to share graces from each of our fasts. Both of us have been able to recognize the beauty of truly surrendering that desire for marriage to God, and letting Him have it. For me, it also is helping me learn to be fully dependent on Jesus, after all, only He gives the love that truly satisfies my heart.

One of the best things that Katie said was that she know's she is worth waiting for. And that is something I have realized too: I'm worth it. Worth waiting for, worth being pursued, worth being fought for. And I also know that my future spouse is worth it. Worth waiting for, worth letting him pursue me, worth letting him fight for me. And also worth the ache that sometimes accompanies not having my Vocation just yet.

As women, we sometimes settle because we don't want to be alone or don't know if we'll find someone who "meets our standards" or because we get impatient. But the purpose of dating is to discern if that person is your future spouse, not just to have someone to boost your self-esteem or make sure you have plans Friday night. And this time of preparation (and waiting) will make me so much more appreciative of that awesome guy I know God has planned for me.

On a final note, Katie shared something I thought was really awesome. She said sometimes we give things to God just to pick them back up later, rather than just leave them in His hands. I know that even though right now I feel awesome about the dating fast and being single, there might come a time when it is hard. I hope that God is able to give me the grace to just continue to leave it in His hands, trusting that when the time is right, He will give me an amazing relationship I could never even imagine on my own.

Special thanks to Katie for a chat which pretty much made my day!

Back with a Mission

Well, it's been a wonderful week adjusting to life back in Duluth. And it is super great to be back. Being home in Fargo those 2 weeks after SEEK was a bit of a "buzz-kill" for lack of a better expression. Thankfully, Jesus and my wonderful friends on Team NDSU kept my momentum and zeal going. It was a new experience for me to be in Fargo, yet longing to be somewhere else. What a beautiful grace to recognize that I truly belong where God has sent me... here in Duluth as a FOCUS missionary.

So, last Thursday I packed my car and headed east through lakes country. With each small Minnesota town, I got more and more excited. As I finished my Hwy 200 leg of the journey, I saw the "Duluth 60" sign and just smiled. After unpacking and repacking, our team headed south to the Cities for a wonderful weekend together before the semester started. It was a pretty chill weekend just spending time at the cabin we rented, playing games and relaxing, as well as taking in a Six Appeal concert (local acapella group) and Mass at the Basilica and Cathedral!

After a Monday full of getting life back together (Target run, cleaning, and organizing), it was back to campus on Tuesday as school resumed for spring semester. It certainly didn't feel like "spring" though, with sub-zero temperatures that made me thankful for UMD's campus, which is completely connected indoors. My week was quickly filled with planning bible study, meeting up with my 3 wonderful disciples, and following up with students from SEEK... wow God is good. The speakers and sacraments at SEEK led to some big changes in these women's hearts, and a renewed zeal for evangelization on campus, something I share in a new way too.

Perhaps one blessing about being home for a bit after SEEK was the time it gave me to reflect on my first semester as a missionary and ways in which God was calling me to grow more this semester. My prayers and reflections eventually led me to the following vision of what this semester might look like, what the rest of my life might be, and it is my personal mission: to become a saint in such a way that others are inspired and led to become saints too.

How do I do this? By radiating Christ's love. That's why I'm here. Not to lead good bible studies, or be on campus so many hours per day, or meet with 10 women each week. No, I'm here to invite these students to know Jesus Christ and have a relationship with Him. To help them know how to do so in the Church He founded and to share that with others. Basically, I just need to introduce everyone I meet to my best friend. With that perspective, and a clearly defined mission, I know I am ready for a really great semester. And the great part is, when I shared that with Teia, Catie, and Shannon in discipleship, they all seemed really excited to do that too.

In addition to these goals about sharing Jesus this semester, I'm also undertaking a few personal goals to balance my time a little. This week, I'm starting spinning class with Tessa. We will be cycling hard from 6:30-7:30 am 2 mornings a week! I'm also trying to spend more time just living life with my wonderful friends here, which started today with an afternoon holy hour and then Caribou work-time with Teia and Shannon.

Finally, I am determined to use this blog more this semester to share the beautiful gift God has given me of being a missionary with anyone who would like to read. My call to FOCUS is just that, a gift, and I think sharing it a little more will help me keep that in perspective, even when sacrifices might be required. Sometimes I still can't believe that God has called me to be a missionary... thank you Jesus!

SEEK2013. God is good.

disciple Shannon and I

Wow, it has been forever since I have taken the time to sit down and write about life. The end of the semester kept us busy with SEEK preparations, Christmas parties, and team-time. Then it was back to NoDak for a week and a half at home. And it was so good. I was blessed to see both sides of my extended family this Christmas and spend countless hours just hanging out with my sisters at home in Fargo. It was the first time since August that we had all been home. I realized how much I crave that quality time with them, watching movies, shopping, and taking naps. Then, it was back to Duluth... to board a bus for 32 hours down to ..... ORLANDO!

SEEK2013 was the craziest week ever, not just with being busy, but also learning about myself. I'm not sure how to best share all of the blessings of conference, but here goes...




with student Catie and teammate Nicole

SEEK was the first time I had seen some of my fellow FOCUS missionaries since the summer. Many hugs and stories and smiles were exchanged during our week in Orlando. It was also a solid week with my (now former) teammate Nicole, who was my roommate for conference. Nicole and her husband Jonathon have been assigned to University of Florida for this next semester, and I am going to miss these friends dearly. It was so good to spend time each morning getting ready with Nicole during our last week together for a while.




with my cousin Josh and sister Jennifer

Secondly, I was able to spend some time with my little sister, who attended SEEK with the group from UND. Jennifer and I were able to attend a couple of the talks together and before I left, she gave me a huge hug, rather than our usual sister handshake. I loved hearing how much she was learning from all the speakers and getting texts like "Kristen, I just met Dr. Sri. He's awesome!" I'm so glad we got to share conference.







my former roomies!

It was also a great week with some of my NDSU friends who attended conference. It was great to catch up and hear how everything is going for the FOCUS program at NDSU, which was a huge part of my life for 4 years. Some of us even gathered to cheer on the Bison to a second national championship... Once a Bison, Always a Bison.

Finally, by far the best part... being with the students of UMD again. I missed my new friends a lot during my short time at home. It was great to attend mass with them (as well as 6,200 students, 100+ priests, and 350 missionaries), gather together under our UMD flag for the keynotes, and enjoy the Florida sun. On the bus ride home, we opened the mic for testimonies and I was blown away by the depth of what these students shared. Many of them had life changing confessions (some for the first time), were challenged by the speakers, and built lasting friendships with their peers. I am so pumped to get back to campus and follow up with all of them. It is going to be a good semester at UMD.

Oh yeah, I should probably mention, I'm not on campus right now. We don't go back to school for another week. So I've been catching up on sleep after SEEK, spending time at home and NDSU, and setting some goals for this next semester. Break has re-lit that fire within my heart and I am more determined than ever to live out this incredible mission to bring college students into a relationship with my best friend, Jesus Christ.




Kelsey and I

Perhaps the most convicting thing for me over SEEK was the emphasis on the need for dynamic Catholics today. We can't be lukewarm, it's not an option. At the end of our life, we are either in Heaven or hell, there's no place for mediocre. We are called to be saints and to become saints together. That's a big task, but it is totally possible. SEEK helped me realize that it can happen.. there are enough of us in the young Church today to change the world. All we have to do is help each other keep that fire going and fall deeply in love with Jesus Christ.

Can I join you?

It's been a while since I've had something happen and instantly felt "I need to put this on my blog". So... finally... here is something that happened, just yesterday, on campus that I need to share.

Teia and I have been meeting for discipleship for a little over a month now and usually meet in the education annex of UMD. I like this spot because it's usually quiet enough to pray, but not where you feel disruptive while talking. Also, I like being around education stuff... my major hasn't been forgotten since graduation that's for sure.

Anyway, yesterday we began discipleship and were opening with meditative prayer as usual. I decided to lead with the story of Christ's birth found in Luke's Gospel (Luke 2:1-20). Usually, I begin by reading through the story, and then going back and prompting some ideas that stick out to me to guide whoever I'm praying with. So here's what happened...

Me: "...While they were there, the time came for her to have her child.."
Professor: "Excuse me, do you mind if I join you?"
Me: "No, that's fine."

So this professor takes a seat and I continue... I read the rest of the story, share some thoughts on the shepherds' perspective... think about it, they got front row seats at the birth of the Messiah!...  and then close in a short prayer.

As we finish, Teia and I make the sign of the cross and our new friend also does so. He then asks if it was a Catholic Bible (it was) and shares that he is also Catholic. It turns out, his family is beginning their own Christmas tradition this year apart from his and his wife's families. "Maybe we will include a reading of this story in our new tradition," he said. All I could think was... YES that is so great. Expose those kids to Scripture!

We continued to chat and Dan, our new friend, shared that he teaches various education classes at UMD and before that had taught at a Catholic school in Central America. He was currently just stepping out of his class so his students could do their semester evals and appreciated a chance to hear a "beautiful story." It was so encouraging to both Teia and I, not only to know there are awesome Catholic professors on this campus, but also to hear how awesome he thought it was that we took the time to read Scripture.

Dan went back to class and Teia and I proceeded with discipleship, talking about Christmas and her bible study she will be starting next semester.Yet, I couldn't get over how awesome it was that he joined us for prayer!

One last thing to share... which I haven't yet done for all you blog readers... I'm going to Guyana next summer for a mission trip with FOCUS! I found out about 2 weeks ago and have been so excited! To hear Dan talk about his experience in Central America was awesome in light of this new opportunity I have been given to travel and do mission work abroad. It's so beautiful how things work out sometimes....

God at Work

Hm, been a while since I've written a post. It's hard to even know what to write about these past two weeks. Being a missionary allows me to witness so much beauty, so many amazing stories and conversions.

First of all, I get to hear and see how God is transforming lives here at UMD. Just this past week, I was blessed to hear that a student I've met has radically reoriented her priorities throughout the semester, to the point of moving out of her current not good living situation and coming with us to SEEK. I also got to hear multiple testimonies from our student leaders on Friday, including the full story of Christ's pursuit of my disciple Shannon. She has a beautiful story of discovering that true happiness comes from God and nowhere else.

Secondly, I get to work for the Kingdom that never ends. I recently read the book "The Way" by St. Josemaria Escriva (a gift from my wonderful friend Kelsey). In it, he points out that if you are on mission for Jesus, then you are working for a Kingdom with no end. That's a pretty awesome thing to strive for... to build up the Kingdom of God. And I get to be an "instrument for seeking instruments." God works through me to find others to also work for that never-ending Kingdom. That Kingdom has grown so much here at UMD this year, we have over 30 students in discipleship, over 30 bible studies on campus, and over 70 students going to SEEK2013 over break. Our chapel keeps overflowing at Thursday Mass n Meal. And it's all because Jesus is King....

Finally, I have realized in a profound way that God is working hard to mold me into a saint, into the best version of myself, through my yes to being a missionary. He wants me to be His. Wow. I belong to the King of the Kingdom. Despite all my past mistakes and all the times I ran away from Him, He has never given up on me. His love never would allow Him to. As great as it is to see Him working in the lives of others, sometimes it blows me away just considering how much He is working in my own life.

On a final, fun note, I recently had another of my "this is my job?!?!" moments. Friday night, I went with some students to Bentleyville, a large display of Christmas lights here in Duluth. When I say large, I mean largest in the Midwest. It was crazy. We walked by all the lights, spent time around a bonfire, and enjoyed free hot chocolate. As we were leaving, I realized that just spending time with these students, having fun, and sharing our faith in Christ... that's my job. What a blessing! God did not need me to be a missionary. He could have called me to pursue teaching right away after graduation. But, instead He chose to need me in the New Evangelization through FOCUS. He placed a burning desire within me to be a missionary and to serve Him in this way. And I am so glad He did.

at Bentleyville

Thanksgiving and St. Cecelia

A year ago today, I found myself at the NDSU Wellness Center for a morning run.... with a dead iPod. Since music was no longer an option to motivate me for my run, I decided to use that time to pray. I found myself talking to Jesus about FOCUS. At the time, I had not started the application to be a missionary. As I ran, more and more of my fears came to light. Afterwards, I went to pray at the Newman Center and began to realize that I really needed to just start my application and trust God with the rest. I began the application later that day and as I filled it out, God slowly opened my heart to be able to desire for FOCUS to be the next chapter of my life. And so here I am, one year later, several months into my first year as a full-time missionary!

St. Cecelia, pray for us!

It's incredible that this big step towards FOCUS took place on November 22, the Feast of St. Cecelia (the saint I chose as my Confirmation saint). It is amazing how that choice as an eighth grader continues to play a role in my life. And now to have that day fall on Thanksgiving... the day when we thank God for the many blessings He has given us. God must love making dates line up like this!

And so not only am I thankful as always for my faith, family, and friends. But I'm also really thankful for all of the graces that God has blessed me with through FOCUS... the new friends, support of mission partners here at home, and a truly amazing experience that is slowly helping me become closer to Jesus and His will for my life.

So, if you're reading this, thank you for allowing me to share my experience as a FOCUS missionary with you! Thank you for your support and prayers. And I hope you have a most blessed Thanksgiving with your family and friends.

Fan into Flame and more

Well, another eventful week has passed for this FOCUS missionary. I don't even know where to begin with sharing about this past week... but I will try to do my best. Here are my top 5 events from the week:

bible study @ Caribou

#5: On Monday, my original five from my freshman bible study and I celebrated the first snowfall of the year here in Duluth by spending the afternoon at Caribou Coffee. It was fun to build fellowship with these great girls. I also found out that the holiday drinks are officially available.... mmmm HoHo Mint Mocha... 

my discipleship chain November 2012

#4: On Wednesday, I made chicken enchiladas for the four women in my discipleship chain. We spent almost 2 hours squeezed around my kitchen table getting to know one another better and laughing lots. They are all so fantastic and I'm honored that they are in my chain here at UMD.

#3: Also on Monday, all seven girls made it to our freshman bible study. Topic of the night: the Eucharist. We read and discussed John 6, where Jesus explains that He is the Bread of Life. We had a really great discussion and I could just tell that everyone was thinking deeply about the role that the Eucharist has in their lives and how it could become even more important through the Mass and Adoration.

Fan into Flame group

#2: Due to Monday's discussion, two of the girls in my bible study and I went to Adoration at a local Church Friday afternoon. We were only there for 30 minutes, but as we left, a woman there turned around and told us, "You give me hope for the world." Wow. Then today, I got a text from one of the girls thanking me for taking her because she had never been to Adoration before and really loved it.

#1: Fan Into Flame!! This weekend, we had our second retreat of the year at the cabin in Brainerd. Over 50 students attended, including several girls that I have gotten to know really well this year. The theme of the retreat was allowing Jesus to be the Lord of your life and to tap into the power of the Holy Spirit which Jesus promises to all those who believe in Him. We had some great talks, fellowship, and time for prayer. It was incredible to see these students be deeply moved during Adoration last night. It was also a great opportunity for me to grow, realizing what it means to allow God to work through me as I prayed over people along with my teammate Nicole.

Sharing these five things and realizing how great they were this past week just made it really clear to me how important having strong Catholic community is. How important it is to surround ourselves with others who are running after Christ, so that they can help us in our own journey to Him. It is such a blessing to serve as a missionary, where I get to have these wonderful friendships as a part of my "job".

Also, just a little insight into my retreat (because even though I was a leader, I also was on retreat). I realized in a very profound way how much God loves me and that He is more than enough, He is all I need. He is the One who truly makes me come alive, and He wants me to have the life I was made for... and I was made for more, I was made for love. What a perfect time to realize this, so that I can spend this week thanking Him for that love... and the many other blessings of my life.