Becoming a Diamond

One thing I really love is when books I'm reading just hit on exactly what I need to hear at that moment. I love that God controls what I read and when I read it so that He can speak to my heart in the way that I need. I recently was reading "The Furrow" by St. Josemaria Escriva, and he has this beautiful paragraph about suffering. He explains that when we are given challenges or suffering it is because God desires to form us into something beautiful. He wouldn't put all that effort into an ordinary pebble, it's the diamond that has time and effort invested in to make it truly beautiful. Pressure is placed on the diamond so that it might become the precious gem it is meant to be.

Well, I am convinced that over the past month God has been more actively forming me into a diamond, into the precious daughter He made me to be. And what's amazing is that as He strengthens and forms me, He is taking care of all those other areas of my life that I don't have the energy to take care of. Let me explain with a few examples...

On August 19, I moved back to Duluth, excited to begin a year with my wonderful team and students. Yet, there also was a looming stress on my heart.... my Grandpa Ben was nearing the end of his life here on earth. It was hard to be leaving home at a time when I knew my family needed me, and I needed them. As I packed for our camping trip with our student missionaries on Friday the 23rd, the news came... Grandpa entered Heaven that afternoon. I attended the first 24 hours of the camping trip, and then got in my car once again, heading west to be home.

me, Grandpa, and Emily in 1991

As hard as it was to say goodbye and to see my mom, grandma, and family mourn, the funeral was so grace-filled. My grandparents are saints. Grandma has spent the past five years lovingly by Grandpa's side as he slowly grew more detached from this world through the onset of Alzheimer's. I cannot tell you how many hours she spent praying for him, and the rest of their family. The faithful example of marriage they have shown is incredible, one I know has helped shape my parents' own marriage to be something I strive to imitate one day. As I drove back to Duluth after the funeral, I was determined. I will be a Saint; I will work my hardest to be a saint like them.

As I transitioned into our initial outreach and as the freshmen moved onto campus, I began to realize what a responsibility it is to be a team director. I am honored to serve my team, but wow does it require a lot of extra work. My to do list seemed to be constantly increasing rather than decreasing for the first two weeks of classes, despite long days of trying to get much of it accomplished. There were moments I wanted to just throw my hands up and walk away, convinced I had no clue what I was doing, that I couldn't do it, and that it just took much. And even though I have an incredible boyfriend, the reality of how hard the distance is hit me even more when I was stressed out and Devin was over 4 hours away. I remember a few times even going to prayer and repeating Mother Teresa's words at the end of her life, "Jesus, this is too much."

However, Jesus knew it wasn't too much. When I had no clue what I was doing, He did. He knew exactly what He was about. And despite the hours He asked me to spend ordering bible studies, preparing team meetings, chalking and knocking, helping student missionaries, and preparing for our missions promotion, He blessed my first two weeks on-campus more than I ever could imagine. Some of those blessings include:
-seeing 2 girls I met last year at the Activities Fair and being able to invite them to my bible study
-meeting more girls on the volleyball and basketball teams, who are coming to bible study!
-being welcomed into the lives of some ladies on the track team, who might start coming to my athletes' study
-watching the women I have in my discipleship chain reach out lovingly to many new students and set goals to have 10 girls in each of their bible studies before Christmas.
-having our events attended by many new students, who desire to make Newman a part of their time at UMD
-having my team support me and having some great team meetings, really striving to change campus for the better this year
-having Devin come visit for a weekend and spend time enjoying Duluth's natural beauty a bit.

I'm sure there are many other blessings, some I'm forgetting and some I can't see right now. But, back to the point of this post, God is asking much of me, because He wants me to be a saint. Being a saint, being a soldier for Him, doesn't just happen. It takes struggle, and saying "yes" to His will even when it seems too big or too hard. It means getting out of bed even when I'm tired, packing my schedule full from 8am-8pm for days on end to spend time with students and getting work done, and it means looking outside of myself to care for my team and disciples as best I can, trusting God to love them through me. Because at the end of the day, the only way I shine as a diamond is if it is Jesus shining through me.

with some ladies in my discipleship chain at the
Activities Fair last week

with students and teammates playing paintbal

out on the Park Point beach with Devin

Prayer and God's Perfect Timing

I've been meaning to write about fall outreach for almost a week now, and I probably will spend some of my time this weekend doing that. But I just couldn't pass up the beautiful opportunity to share how God has answered prayers. First, the back story.

Last spring, we made an effort to be more intentional about sitting with new people at Sunday Mass on-campus. So, one day, probably in mid-April, I sat by a student I had never met. We chatted a little before Mass, but I didn't have a chance to get her number to follow up. Nevertheless, I put her name on a list of students I had met to continue to pray for her. I saw her another time at the coffee shop on campus last spring, but again didn't get any contact information.

Well, throughout the summer, this girl's name was on my list of students to pray for and so I did. I never was super intentional about it, just occasionally asking that God would place her in my path this year if it should be His will. Little did I know how perfectly He can time things.

Last night, I planned to play some ultimate frisbee after Mass as a way to spend time with two girls I met last week. However, they texted me last minute saying that they wouldn't be coming. So, I decided to walk back to the Newman house and go home to prepare for tonight's first athletes' study. As I approached the house, there was this girl from Mass the previous semester! She was standing in the road looking lost. I said hi and was happy to see that she recognized me. It turns out she had been looking for the local temple to go to a speaker, but couldn't find it.

I invited her to tomorrow's Mass and Meal at Newman and she was shocked when I asked for her number. "I never get invited to things" she replied, while also eagerly entering my number into her phone. My heart instantly was moved for this daughter of God. I showed her around our small Newman house, including inviting her to stop by anytime to hang out or spend time praying in the Chapel. I'm hoping and praying that she is able to come tomorrow so that I can introduce her to some more Newman ladies and help her find a community of Catholics to support her in her faith.

As I drove home last night, I just was in awe of how God answered my summer prayers for this young lady. He had to time her search of that event just right with my leaving the field. He had to prevent those other girls from coming so that I would decide not to play. Had He not, I wouldn't have had a way to invite her into the Newman community.

Lesson? Never doubt God's desire to answer our prayers and His power over our timing of encounters with others. His plan is very well thought out.

Guyana Highlights

Post #2 about Guyana.... and only about a week after the first! I wanted to share some specific memories from the trip and highlights.

First, a brief explanation of what we did. Our main goal was to assist with the parish mission of St. Francis Xavier R.C. (Roman Catholic) Church in Charity Guyana. The theme of the mission was "Save your Soul" which I thought was refreshingly bold, because that's actually what we want people to do, but so often we sugarcoat how we say it. Our daily schedule looked a little something like this:
6:30am - Holy Hour
7:30am - Mass
8:30am - Breakfast
9:30am - head out for house visits (go door to door inviting people to the mission)
12pm - Lunch
1pm - Siesta!
2pm - Kids' Activities, Youth Activities, Catechesis, Home Visits
4:30pm - Rosary Walk through the streets
5pm - Main Talk and Kids' Activities
6pm - Fun Event (campfire, pinata, skit, movie)
8pm - Evening Prayer
8:30pm - Supper
9pm - Testimonies, Daily Recap
10:30pm - head to bed

So, now that you have a little of our structure, here are some of my highlights from my time in Guyana:

Turning 24. On our 3rd full day in Charity, I celebrated my 24th birthday! The rest of our group, including some joyful Servidoras and IVE's, sang to me twice, breakfast and supper, and even made me a delicious birthday cake (see picture). While it was a little tough to celebrate this day away from my family, my 24th will be a birthday I will always remember. Word spread because I received more birthday hugs that day than I can remember and even some thoughtful gifts. Perhaps the best was that Fr. Brian offered Mass for me that morning and God gave me the amazing grace of understanding what a gift my life is!

Guyanese tradition of sharing my cake!

House Visits with Rachael. Rachael is a 8-year-old we met at the parish. Her mom helped with cooking and laundry, so Rachael and her 3 siblings spent time with all the missionaries. One day, Rachael came with my group to do house visits. Our first stop was at an elderly man's home. He needed Anointing of the Sick, so we prayed with him and Fr. Brian gave him the sacrament. His 3-year-old granddaughter (Ann Marie) was there and Rachael and I spent some time talking with her. Rachael shared some sweeties (candy) and a Divine Mercy card with a picture of Jesus on it. Later that night, Rachael approached me at the campfire and asked about the little girl we had met! It was so great that she was thinking about her still and I told her to pray for her. Rachael and some of the other kids and youth who came with us on house visits were amazing and it was incredible to begin equipping them at such a young age to share their faith!

Rachael and I on our house visit day

Pinata Nights. We had 2 pinatas while we were there and the 2nd was definitely memorable. All the kids were so excited to fill up on the sweeties. Earlier in the day, Steve and Jeff (2 fellow FOCUS missionaries) had made the pinata and filled it with 7 pounds of candy. While the pinata was being hit, they each brought another bag of candy... to toss out as the kids scrambled for falling sweeties. In fact, as the pinata broke, Fr. Hugo (the priest in Charity) was knocked to the ground by all the kids! That night we distributed 21 pounds of candy.... I hope the parents didn't mind the overly-sugared kids who came home that night. 

Jeff and Steve with their pinata

Fr. Hugo on the ground

Praying in Homes. On several of the house visits, we asked to pray with people. Several times we prayed a decade of the rosary with people who weren't even Catholic! On another day, I was the leader of my group. I tried on every visit to ask if we could pray with them and everyone I asked said yes! It was a simple prayer, but twice the people we visited were praying aloud with me. Some were even Hindu or non-Catholic. I realized that this may have been one of the few or only times when Jesus' name was said in their homes. What a beautiful opportunity to bring His presence right to where the people live! 

our FOCUS Missionary Team

There were many other great experiences throughout our mission trip, and maybe at a later date I'll share some of those. But for now, this about wraps up my Guyana blogging. We just started fall outreach today with the freshmen moving in, so I can't wait to share some graces and stories from fall outreach soon! Thanks for taking the time to read and have a blessed end to the month of August. 

the ladies of our group

Learning the Reality of God's Love... in a Beautiful, Challenging Way

Well, it's been a whole summer and I haven't blogged once. So much has been happening, it is hard to believe I haven't taken the time to sit back and just reflect on what has been one of the craziest, most grace-filled summers of my life. After a couple weeks at home following Team Director training in May, I flew off to FOCUS New Staff Training for 5 weeks in Florida. After returning home in early July, I spent 4 weeks soaking in time with family, catching up with friends and supporters, and spending some wonderful weekends at the lake and weddings with Devin. When August began, so did the next chapter of my summer. On the 2nd, it was off to NYC, to meet up with the rest of the Guyana mission trip crew. After returning to the States on the 14th, I had just 5 short days to catch up with loved ones, pack up, and get back to Duluth. Now, I'm almost a week in to my first on-campus semester as a team director.

As I mentioned, it has been a summer with many graces, and I could probably blog about any one of those "chapters" listed above for several pages. But, I want to share probably the experience that was the most unique and life-changing: mission trip in Guyana.

They say when you go on mission, to be ready for surprises. While I was certainly ready for some surprises (new foods, crazy God-filled moments, etc), I didn't expect the biggest surprise of them all: how tough it was to be on mission. I have wanted to go on a mission trip for several years now, and figured my time with FOCUS was a great time to do a trip. I was a little nervous about going to a foreign country and being outside my comfort zone, but never really gave much thought to how much room it would give me to experience God's love.

Outside my comfort zone. That describes the difficulty of the trip pretty well. Not only was I somewhere new, but everything was so different. Hot, humid days with no break from the heat because there's no air conditioning. Constantly being sticky due to sunscreen and bug spray, sleeping with a mosquito net, showering with rain water, and having to be cautious about drinking water sources. Not to mention super early mornings and late nights (even though the sun set at 6:30pm) and a totally different environment. Perhaps the icing on this whole scenerio was no cell phone, no way to connect with those I love most and share my experience with them day by day.

While I was in Guyana, these discomforts took over and were huge distractions. I struggled with being homesick, yet at the same time longing deep in my heart to share God's love with the people of Charity, the town we were in. So, I showed up each morning at holy hour and went to bed each night surrendering everything to Jesus as best I could.

As we flew home, I felt like I hadn't made the impact I could have or pushed myself enough. As I got back in touch with friends and family, everyone asked "How was Guyana?" I didn't know how to answer.... did I tell them the truth of how much I longed to be home, how hard it was? Or should I put on a brave face and pretend like it was amazing every second? Well, as I'm sharing the difficulties online, you probably realize I'm ok now with sharing that it was hard. However, in this first full week home, I've realized something. Guyana was amazing. My life was changed. And through my presence, others' lives were changed too.

I'll write another post soon (yes I promise) with lives I think I helped change. Before this post gets incredibly long, I just want to share the biggest impact the trip had on me: a better understanding of what it means to truly trust God's love for me. When I needed some sleep, He provided a siesta. When I was exhausted, He provided ways to serve that didn't involve running around with 50 4-11 year olds. When I turned 24 away from home, He gave me an incredible understanding of the best gift ever: the gift of life. And at the end of it all, He brought me home. Home to a family I love and appreciate so much more, a boyfriend who supports every step of my walk of faith, and a job that I truly love. Yes, being on mission in Guyana was great and there is truly a need for missionaries there. But, that missionary isn't me outside of those 2 weeks. My mission field right now is right here, on the campus of UMD, as team director of a truly wonderful team. And that grace of seeing how I really do desire every role God has invited me to right now is truly an incredible gift as I begin my second year on campus.

So, essentially I learned that when God says He will take care of me, He really means it. When He says He loves me, that's a very deep truth. And it's true all the time, when I'm at my best or worst. His love is real.

Until my stories.... here are some pictures!

playing Duck, Duck, Goose

Arts and Crafts

drinking the water from a coconut

our walk one day for house visits

kids' camp at the primary school

speedboat back to Georgetown

Year One, Done!

Wow, again it has been over a month since I last blogged! The end of the school year was filled with many wonderful graces. In particular, I realized how much I have grown personally through this year. I can't imagine anything else I could have done to help me become more of a saint than FOCUS has. Clearly, this is what God had in mind for me and desired for me.... It brings such peace to know I am doing His Will for my life.

I found out that I will be back in Duluth for my second year with FOCUS! I'm so excited to continue the friendships, bible studies, and discipleships that began this past year. I love the women at Duluth so much, and it was easier to say goodbye for the summer knowing that I get another year with most of them next year (some will be transferring or graduating). The last week of classes was a great time to just be with these ladies and enjoy the friendships we have started this year, especially within bible study.

with my athletes bible study

In addition to being a missionary in Duluth, I'll also be the team director there next year! I'd be kidding you, and me, if I said that accepting this responsibility wasn't scary. However, in the last couple weeks of the semester, I realized more than anything the heart that God has given me for the campus of UMD. We saw His grace work in amazing ways this year, and I know that He would not have asked me to step up in this way unless He knew that I would allow Him to help. Plus, FOCUS does an awesome job of preparing new team directors for our leadership roles. While all of my wonderful students were fighting finals, I got to spend a week in the Rockies, learning how to be a servant leader and successfully guide my team this next year. I am now beyond excited to serve UMD as team director next year and can't wait to see what God has planned. Our students definitely have a desire to win their campus for Christ, as shown by their dreaming of what campus could be like. Take a look:

A common question I've been getting lately is "So what do you do all summer?" Well, since team director training ended on May 17, I've been back home in Fargo. This coming Saturday, I'll fly out again, this time for 5 weeks in Florida for our summer training. Despite the heat and large bugs that are sure to accompany us, I'm looking forward to 5 weeks with my fellow missionaries, getting re-charged for the mission, strengthening friendships, and learning more about how to be a Catholic leader. Please keep us all in your prayers!

For those of you who have been following my blog throughout the year, you may also be thinking.... hmm, there was a dating fast for the first year.... now that the year is over, is that over? The answer is yes! It is absolutely amazing to see how much I grew through giving this past year to Jesus in that way. When I said yes to FOCUS, I was unsure of how the dating fast would go. Now, I can see it for what it is: the best thing I've ever done to truly give my heart to Jesus. To learn to put Him first, to truly let Him love me and receive that love, and to do so without needing or having a boyfriend was something I really needed this past year. And now, after giving that all to God, He has given me a dating relationship that is so incredible I never would've imagined it on my own. Back in January, I shared my recognition that a great relationship was worth the wait, and I know that is the case now. Devin supports my crazy adventures with FOCUS and encourages me to put Jesus first. I can't wait to see what God has planned for us.

Well, I should wrap this up and move ahead with working on my expense report and campus plan. I'm hoping to get some of that done before training starts so I can have more time to enjoy the classes and friendships (and maybe a trip to the beach). Until next time....

Miracle of the Moment

It's crazy that I haven't written a blog post in a while. The end of the school year has just been full of many wonderful opportunities to just live life. And not spend tons of time on my computer. Which is completely fine. But, I had some time open up on this Thursday morning and decided to share some of the graces of these past weeks with you, my blog followers.

Living in the moment. Not worrying about the future. Two huge goals. Two huge graces. Jesus has just been giving me so many opportunities to rest in Him and learn to trust Him. As the school year wraps up, the future still has a few uncertainties. But I've come to realize that it is an incredibly unique opportunity for  me to really put my relationship with Jesus into practice in a profound way.

It is crazy to realize how last year at this time I was finishing student teaching, completely unsure of where FOCUS would send me, and getting ready to leave NDSU and my hometown of Fargo. God has blessed me so much through my yes to Him this year. I have learned so much from my teammates, the students here at UMD and CSS, our chaplain Fr. Mike, and the other missionaries across the country. Not to mention all that God has taught me through reading, studying Scripture, and learning to be entirely dependent on Him alone. What a great gift. I was rereading some cards I have gotten throughout the year last night and found one from Amanda, the first FOCUS missionary I met at NDSU my first year there. In it, she wrote that God cannot be outdone in His generosity and that I would benefit more from my time with FOCUS than any of the students I meet. After just one year, I know that Amanda was definitely right.

Jesus keeps finding many ways to remind me of His love. This past weekend, 4 of my sisters came to visit! It was the first time I had seen some of them since Christmas break. We had an amazing weekend shopping, touring Duluth and the Northshore, eating some good food, and just hanging out. Perhaps my favorite part of the whole weekend was when we all piled into my living room to watch a movie, eat snacks, and just laugh together. People are constantly shocked when I say that I have 8 little sisters (and no brothers), but I wouldn't trade my family for anything.

sisters and I at the canal

In addition to that big gift of a weekend with 4 of my best friends, Jesus has loved me with little things that just make my day. Here is a short list from just this week so far:

-Monday, I got a phone call from Fr. Cheney (NDSU Chaplain) who was here in Duluth! What a treat to spend time with him and grab lunch when I wasn't expecting it!

-Tuesday morning, my wonderful team director brushed all the snow off my car before I left to work out. What an awesome surprise to start the day! (We had record snowfall the night before)

-Yesterday I had great conversations with Catie, Sherry, and Teia. Plus an opportunity to share some of the beauty of Theology of the Body with my bible study!

-Today I came to Caribou to do a little work and read, and found out that they have a rewards card! I love Caribou coffee and instantly said yes. This led to a free size upgrade on my Campfire mocha, a free coffee next time I come in, and my receipt had a survey on it for a dollar off next time too! Jesus clearly knows me well!

I'm so thankful for all these little graces, and also a big one. It is hard to think of not being here in Duluth next year. But on Sunday, Jesus opened my heart to love the girls here in a new way. He gave me the ability to recognize that I might not be what's best for them and their relationship with Him next year. And if that is so, then I love them enough to let go and move.... I just want them to be His, not mine. So, either way, I'm going to enjoy these last weeks of the semester and just help them grow as much as I can, so that with or without me, Jesus is always their number one. 

disciple Teia and I at Mass n Meal last week

I'll be sure to post something when everything about next year is set and finalized. Until then, please pray for all of the students and missionaries as we finish up the year. Especially for the grace to remain centered on Christ with all of the distractions that this time of year (and some hopefully warmer weather!) can bring. 

Holy Week 2013

Happy Easter!! I have been meaning to write a post about last week for several days now... and it took until Friday for me to get the time to do so. It has been a beautifully busy week here at UMD, but I wanted to take some time and reflect on last week: Holy Week.

In the Catholic Church, the week proceeding Easter is called Holy Week. Beginning with Palm Sunday and ending with the Triduum (Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday), this week is a beautiful time to really reflect on the love God has for us, demonstrated in the Passion and Death of His Beloved Son, Jesus. This year, Holy Week landed right after UMD's spring break. It was an absolutely incredible week for many reasons.

On Monday of Holy Week, I was able to attend my first ever Chrism Mass. This is the mass where the Bishop blesses the holy oils to be used in the diocese for the year. Also, all the priests in the diocese renew their vows. It was absolutely beautiful to have this opportunity to pray with and for the priests of the Duluth diocese. I am so thankful for the vocation of the priesthood. God has blessed me with some wonderful priests to be spiritual fathers over the years, especially through my uncle Fr. Austin, the priests at my parish of Sts. Anne and Joachim, Fr. Cheney at the Newman Center at NDSU, and Fr. Mike here at UMD. It is through His priests that Jesus brings us the sacraments... the new life of Baptism, the forgiveness of Confession, the reality of the Eucharist, just to name a few.

Tuesday was our Lenten Confession service on campus. It was a great opportunity to clean up my soul before the Triduum and Easter. Wednesday was our last RCIA class before the big night on Saturday... more on that later. Holy Thursday was awesome. We celebrated the Mass of the Lord's Supper on campus, followed by the Seder meal (traditional Jewish Passover meal). I learned a lot about the Passover, which was great. We then had an hour of Adoration back at Newman to spend that hour with Jesus during His Agony. Good Friday was filled with the Good Friday liturgy, Stations of the Cross, and a viewing of the movie the Passion of the Christ.

Then came the high point of it all: Holy Saturday! If the weather in Duluth was beautiful (we topped 50 degrees!) the Easter Vigil Mass was 100x better! It's been a while since I've attended a Vigil mass, and I LOVED it.

UMD RCIA Group 2013 with Bishop Sirba and Fr. Mike

Kelly and I

While the fire, candles, music, and Scripture were all really great, my favorite part was the celebration of sacraments. We had 16 UMD students get Confirmed... half of whom were not Catholic until that night! I was honored to be Kelly's sponsor for the night and be right in front to watch as other students I have gotten to know this year were fully received into the family of the Church. Some of them have really grown closer to Jesus by their search for truth. As they each were sealed with the Holy Spirit, I seriously felt like a proud parent. Their joy just overflowed. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for each of these amazing men and women now!

Tessa and Nicole

Alyssa and Kate from my bible study

Easter Sunday was really wonderful. My friends from Fargo, Kelsey and Josie, came up for the weekend. They were here on Friday, but it wasn't really until Sunday that I had a chance to show them Duluth. After spending the morning with my teammate Rosalin cooking brunch for our team, we headed out to Park Point to walk on the beach. It was cold, but beautiful. After some coffee at my favorite Caribou, we drove up the North Shore. It was so fun to just spend some quality time with these two. That night, we watched Les Mis and enjoyed some snacks before an early Monday morning Holy Hour when they hit the road. I'm so glad they came to visit and helped make my first holiday away from home a little easier. See pictures of our adventures below.

As we now celebrate this Easter season, I hope that you may experience the joy of the Resurrection! Alleluia!

Kelsey and I at Caribou

NDSU ladies at Easter Party Saturday Night

Josie and I on a Lake Walk walk!