bulldogCatholic week

Last week was awesome. crazy. exhausting. inspiring. busy. grace-filled. Many adjectives would work to describe how the first bulldogCatholic week was... it was just that incredible. It will be hard to do the week justice in a post, but I'm going to try to just share some of my experience from a missionary standpoint.

First of all, I did not realize how much work goes into planning a Catholic week. When I was a student at NDSU, I helped with our first bisonCatholic week - but I owe the missionaries a big thank you because wow is there a lot to juggle. Thankfully, my amazing teammate Mat and a group of 4 students did all the promotion. Plus, I had a great group of 4 students to help with the many logistics of room reservations, set up, tear down, and everything in between.

The excitement began the Thursday before it all started when Shannon and I went barehanding. Essentially, barehanding is all about just walking up to someone you don't know and talking to them about faith. With the upcoming week, our opening line was easier than usual: "hey, have you heard about bulldogCatholic week and the debate?" After a few invitations that weren't super welcomed, we tried another students. Let's call her "L". L seemed very interested in what we had to say, and shared that she was Christian and striving to have a relationship with Jesus, but not really involved in formal campus ministry events. Shannon instantly knew what to do and invited her to join her bible study! The girls exchanged numbers and we went on our way. The next week, Shannon came up to me on Monday after her bible study. "L came to study! And she's coming to the debate tonight!" Sure enough, L was there at the debate with Shannon and her friends that evening. I can't wait to see what the semester has in store for her.

Speaking of the debate, we hosted one! Last Monday, we invited a Catholic philosopher and an atheist philosopher to discuss the rationality of Christianity and take some Q&A. I was really nervous about what kind of attendance we would have..... and then the lecture hall started to fill. and fill. and fill. until about 330 people filled Boh90! Needless to say, I'm learning not to worry so much about how things will turn out.

We also had Australian native Matt Fradd come to Duluth. I had the honor of being his chauffeur while he was here and it was so fun to talk with him about his ministry and share the state of our campus ministry with him. About 175 students came to his talk on Tuesday, which was awesome. It was great to see so many people there, including quite a few members of my athletes' bible study!!

Overall, what was most inspiring to me was how much ownership of the week the student missionaries took! They really rose to the challenge of filling the events and promoting them, taking shifts at our booth on campus and helping hang posters throughout the week. It was great to see them being bold as Catholic leaders on the campus. Below is a picture of one of my disciples, Kayla, and I at the Ask a Catholic booth:

I'm excited to continue to ride the momentum created by all the events last week and really dive in to bible study and discipleship more. My Thursday bible study is going to begin a new series about Who Jesus Is. I'm excited to put the study together just for them and hopefully help them grow in their ability to pray and know Christ!

Until my next blog...

Why I love Leading my Athlete's Bible Study

Last year, God had placed it on my heart to try starting an all-athlete women's bible study at UMD. At first, it was a little rough to meet athletes and have them be committed to coming to bible study. But I was convinced that God wanted me to do it - so I stuck with it. Today, I am thankful that I did. I wanted to just share the graces that are why I love leading this bible study, especially after a fantastic study on trust last night:

1. The Women: are amazing! I have been blessed now to have 2 volleyball women, 4 basketball, and 2 track join my study. These women inspire me. They not only pursue excellence in their sport and academics, but also in bible study. Their openness in sharing their struggles and successes in following Christ is amazing and their dedication and appreciation of bible study is truly inspiring. I am so thankful for having met each one of them. 

2. The Prayer: This semester, we are taking 10 minutes each week to pray with Scripture as a part of study. Not only does God teach me something amazing, but He also is truly at work in the minds and hearts of each woman present. I love hearing what they have been inspired with. Last night, we even started having the ladies take turns closing in prayer! I'm excited for them to grow in their confidence in prayer with others and leading others to Christ. 

3. The Games: Part of leading these women is also watching them compete - and I love it! I've always loved sports, and knowing these ladies gives me a reason to not just be a Bulldogs fan, but to support and encourage the athletes I know. I will gladly support them in the stands at as many home games as I can and love them win or lose. 

4. The Trust: Through the rough start last fall with this study, God has taught me to trust Him. Additionally, last night during our prayer time at bible study, I realized I still have a long road ahead of learning this trust. While meditating on Matthew 6:25-34, I realized I often have a mindset of a non-believer, rather than truly letting my trust in God's love be my default reaction to stressors in life. It was a great wake-up call to continue to trust more.

5. The Humility: Through our discussions, I'm constantly humbled because these women teach me so much - and I'm supposedly the leader! It is refreshing to remember that just because I plan Bible study and communicate plans to everyone, I still can learn a lot from each of these women. Sometimes I think I'm learning more than they are! 

I am so thankful for these women, their love of Christ, and their willingness to carve out an hour each week to spend a little time with me growing as sisters in Christ together. Wednesday nights are definitely a highlight of my week and I hope this post encourages other leaders to view their bible studies with deep gratitude and joy as well. 

Can't Save Them All

I don't always realize how random the moments God sometimes uses to talk to me are. Having a relationship with Him is unique because, as long as you're listening, He can talk to you at any moment of your day. I have been trying to improve my awareness of His presence with me throughout the day this semester, and so far it is still a work in progress. But last week, He spoke really clearly.

Jesus is the love of my life. He has captivated me, heart mind and soul. And I want nothing more than to help everyone know His love for them. As a missionary at UMD the past year and a half, God has developed within me a heart for His children here on this campus. It's a great gift to motivate me and encourage me, especially when I'm tired and a little stressed. Sometimes though, it is also frustrating. I look at the fruit that has come through our team these past semesters and think, there are still so many more! Only 150ish students in bible study, 300-350 at Mass on Sunday.... for someone who likes to check things off a list, it's hard sometimes to realize that this campus is still a long way from fully belonging to Jesus. What more can I do?

Well, last week, I was walking through the main hallway on my way back to Newman after some meetings at the coffee shop. And I was getting a little discouraged at how many students passed me that I do not know. Then God spoke: "Kristen, you can't save them all. Only I can. All I'm asking of you is to make a difference for a few, who will do the same for others... until they all know me." My response: "That's it?"

See, sometimes I think in our pride, we want to be the savior. We are not. Jesus is. Only He can save those around us. Sometimes we try to take on more than we are capable of and think God is asking the impossible of us. We think "I can't do all this... I'm going to fail at what He is asking." But the amazing thing about how spiritual multiplication works is that if I do what He has asks of me and invest in the disciples He has given me and then women in my two bible studies, then hopefully they will also reach some of the women on campus. And over time, all UMD women will meet Jesus. That's all I can pray for. That's all God is asking. And I can do that.

This semester, my focus has shifted to this more intentional approach to my mission. I'm trying to spend most of my time investing in my team, disciples, and bible studies through prayer and personal relationships. Because God is so right, I can't save them all. But if His Church here at UMD simply does what He is asking, we can allow Him to work through us. And someday I know this campus will be His.

Saint in Progress

As I finished yesterday's blog, I mentioned that my story of sainthood is still being written. That's what I want to share today because it was another huge grace of my time in Dallas last week. I'm a checklist kinda girl... make a list, complete an item, check it off. Loose ends and no plan... that just doesn't have a place in my life.

I realized last week though, that I can't treat my story of sainthood that way. My life is still in progress... and my work of holiness will not be complete until I die. I may have a testimony, but it's one without an ending just yet. Unlike other things though, I am realizing that it is a good thing my story is still being written... because I'm still working on being the virtuous saint that God made me to be.

I think before last week, I treated my relationship with Jesus like it was complete, perfect, needing no change. The truth is, even though Jesus had won me back through my prayer life junior year at NDSU, He is still winning my heart. Every day, He wants to be there. He isn't a person we interact with just once and have our life changed and go on our way. Meeting Jesus is like meeting your spouse... once they are in your life, they are there forever, every single day.

Understanding this a little better has given me a strange peace that I usually don't have when a big task is "in progress." I think it is because it helps me to just learn to live in the moment and to constantly ask "how is Jesus forming me into a saint today?" Little daily steps like that make becoming holy seem a bit more attainable. Plus, if my story isn't over, than I can accept my failures and appreciate going to Confession so much more. I don't have to settle with where I am at now, I can keep learning and growing, moving ever closer to my goal of eternal life with God. Maybe a checklist isn't always the best way to live life!

Sometimes it's good to Retreat

Two months since my last post.... and finally time to share some thoughts. The truth is, with how busy Thanksgiving, Advent, and Christmas were, I just did not have time to even come up with a blog post... let alone write one. But over the past week, several ideas have come to me... which I'm planning to share, one at a time, during this last week of my Christmas break. And so, the first blog of 2014!

The end of the semester was busy. So was my entire fall. So was summer... so is life I guess. Until last week, I was living life at a sprinting pace, but I didn't know it. Sure, I'd take some occasional breaks to spend time with family or Devin, I (most days) spent an hour in the chapel and went to Mass. Yet despite these "breaks", I was sprinting through life without any knowledge of it. I noticed how fast the year was going, but just figured that's what it's like when you get to be 24. Then Jesus spoke.

Last week, I was blessed to attend FOCUS' Student Leadership Summit in Dallas, TX. We had a great group of 17 UMD students join us and it was fun to spend time with them. On the 3rd night (Sunday Jan 5) we had some time of Adoration. I entered the ballroom and knelt down with my campus group. The lighting of Jesus in the Monstrance was incredible. You could see the lights stream through the air to the stage. Then the band started to lead us in song. I sang along, thinking of how beautiful it all was. And then the words "I'll run til I finish the race." I lost it. Tears went down my cheeks and I couldn't sing. I just stared right at Jesus and heard Him say, "Kristen... I love you."

That's all I needed to hear... He loves me. In the midst of leading bible study, holding discipleship, directing my team, planning events, writing newsletters, Christmas shopping, playing with my sisters, and going on incredible dates with Devin... I had lost sight of my first love. My prayer life had become another scheduled task to check off on my calendar, rather than time to be refreshed and loved by Jesus. I was so caught up in my exterior work for Him, that I had neglected to care for my own soul.

I really love the idea of being a soldier for Christ. When Curtis Martin was getting ready to start FOCUS, he shared his plan with Blessed Pope John Paul II. The Pope's reply was "Be soldiers." But we who are soldiers, fighting for the Kingdom of the King, must not forget that sometimes it is good to retreat. I don't mean to retreat and give up the fight, but to retreat into the depths of our heart and make sure that the external affairs of life aren't snuffing out the flame of love that Jesus has lit within us.

Just last week, I began to read The Soul of the Apostolate. I read this book back in my junior year of college, but it is incredible how the words of the author speak right to my life now too. He emphasizes that the heart of all we do must be our interior relationship with God. We must continuously be converted and draw close to Christ if we want to share Him with others. We must be so filled with God's love that it spills out to others, while still filling us.

This last week of break includes a wonderful example of my to do lists. But with that also comes a renewed dedication to pray and read, to truly be refreshed. I can't give what I do not have. I cannot help others meet Jesus if I stop meeting with Him everyday, not just showing up in the Chapel, but truly being present there. Accepting that Jesus still has much to teach me and that I can do nothing without Him. My story is still being written... but more on that tomorrow.

Have Your Way, My King

The song "Help me Find it" (Sidewalk Prophets) has been a theme of mine this year. The line that always gets to me is in the bridge: "Have your way, my King." That's the openness of heart and life I'm trying to have. "Have your way Jesus, You are my King, and this is all for You." It is incredible what a difference it makes. I just take that line to prayer constantly... and try to make it more and more sincere every time I say it. I want to just let my life be completely abandoned to whatever Jesus wants for me. Whatever He wants to do through me and my time as a missionary.

Last week, I got to attend the regional Team Director Summit in Chicago. It was a huge blessing to spend time with other leaders within FOCUS and share our successes and struggles on campus this fall. One TD shared how she and her team spend a few moments giving each day to God, praying through their schedule for that day together. Since returning to Duluth, I've been trying to do that. Each morning, before I even leave my apartment, I just go through my schedule, praying about each appointment, task, etc. And it has completely changed my life.

My conversations have been completely transformed. Bible study and discipleship, as well as conversations with teammates and students.... they are all bearing more fruit. And not because of anything I'm doing, but because I'm finally willing to step aside and let Jesus be in control. Sure, there are still some times I am a bit nervous about truly challenging someone and miss the opportunity, but when I let Him do all the work, wow.

For example, some of the women I meet with for discipleship are just amazing me. Their vulnerability and openness to be challenged to share their faith is truly remarkable. And I'm able to see that when Jesus is steering the conversation. I also find myself being more productive, getting things accomplished in record time... hence the time to write this post.

I'm not perfect at this whole abandonment thing just yet, but the more I let myself belong to my King, the more I realize just how much God loves me and wants me to be happy. I don't have to feel overwhelmed by the many responsibilities, relationships, and roles in my life.... I can embrace them as the specific mission He has chosen for me. All in the bigger mission of His... the salvation of the entire world. And as one of our regional leaders, Dan, said last week: It is a privilege, not a burden, to be part of this greatest mission.

I hope each one of my blog readers can take that line of "have your way my King" to prayer and just see what happens.... to truly let go of our control over our lives, schedule, future.... and sincerely seek God's will alone, the role in His mission He wants us each to have.

My (Hopeful) Future Feast Day

Today's Caribou Coffee trivia question was awesome. Especially for all us Catholics. The question: What is the day after Halloween called? The answer: All Saints Day. Just another reminder of the amazing solemnity we celebrate today. And I was blessed to go to Mass twice to celebrate!

I've thought a lot about becoming a saint throughout the past few years. Ever since my relationship with Jesus really took off my junior year at NDSU, sainthood has been my goal. And I've always loved the way Fr. Mike (our UMD chaplain) blesses those who cannot receive Communion: "May God bless you and make you a saint". But last night, those words took on a whole new meaning. I attended Mass with some girls from my bible study and as Fr. Mike blessed the one in front of me in the Communion line, I got chills. As I stepped up and said "Amen" to receive Jesus, something in me changed. I realized in a profound way that I receive Jesus in the Eucharist because.... I want to be a saint. I want to be like Him. 

A real simple definition of sainthood might be helpful. Today, Fr. Mike explained it as "saying yes to God in each moment". I like that, it makes my goal of sainthood pretty simple. Just say yes to God - including when He invites me to write a blog post!

There are a couple big ways that I have noticed God is making me a saint. And honestly, I don't remember if I have blogged about them before, so my apologies if this is repeated. But perspective can always change... so here we go. 

The first way God is currently forming me into a saint is through my call to be a FOCUS missionary and, this year, team director. I truly get to build virtue everyday. Growing in my courage to share the Gospel, talking daily about my relationship with Jesus and how I live it in His Church, and being surrounded by others who encourage me in living a moral life... what an amazing job. It is definitely a gift. My Dove chocolate wrapper tonight read "love what you do" and I definitely do. My job is incredible, beautifully challenging, and uniquely rewarding. Regardless of how long I stay on staff, my time with FOCUS will forever have had an impact on the saint I'm striving to become. 

Catie - a student from last year, now a FOCUS mish!

The second way God is increasing my ability to be a saint is through my relationship with Devin. I never thought I would meet such an amazing, virtuous man. Devin treats me with so much respect and love, and truly puts my relationship with Jesus first. I love that our weekend visits include shared prayer time and that most of our conversations via Skype or FaceTime end with a prayer. Being in a relationship with such an awesome guy definitely reveals God's love for me even more. Devin loves me like Jesus does. He truly is helping me learn how to receive love and embrace being a beloved daughter of God. Long distance relationships are tough, but I'm realizing how to love... not just when it feels good, but even when it is tough. I'm also learning what a beautiful thing it is to discern marriage through dating... and let all that I have read about Theology of the Body and Love and Responsibility be a lived reality. Devin and I want eachother to be saints, and I'm so thankful to have such a great man to walk this path of sainthood with. 

Devin and I at Halloween party last weekend

At the All Saints Day mass I attended today, Fr. Mike really put today's feast in perspective. The title of this post is "My (Hopeful) Future Feast Day" because of that perspective. Today is the day that the Catholic Church celebrates all those who have lived lives worthy of eternal happiness in Heaven. Since that is what I hope to attain, then really I'm trying to live a life that someday leads me to have this as my feast day. The day when the whole Church will celebrate the way God's grace saved me from sin and death, and gave me this beautiful life of love. What a beautiful perspective to end the week!